Yesterday I popped into Colleen's house on my way home from the East End Gallery. Now, Colleen has become a bloody good friend and I enjoy the company of her and her family. And I usually have leftover cake and Colleen has a few mouths that need feeding. She is always delighted to receive any offerings that she can add to lunchboxes and keep her urchins from gnawing her legs off.
So, there I was, enjoying a cup of tea in Colleen's kitchen and she mentioned that she and mutual friend Marissa had both decided it was time to "unf#@k" their houses. This means de-cluttering, sorting, cleaning and tidying. Now, I thought the House that Rocks was fairly "unf#@ked", but I started having twinges of doubt.
Worse than that, the scales had started complaining bitterly if I stood on them. "One at a time, please" were the exact words that I could have sworn the scales announced last time I weighed myself. Having lost twelve kilos up to April last year, I have put eight kilos back on...I was time to take myself in hand and start walking again.
This morning I went on a forty-minute walk after the fog had lifted. If spite of some irritating behaviour by the three Stooges, we managed to return home intact. Although my legs were a tad wibbly wobbly, I felt enthused and full of energy.
I attacked the dogs' bunk beds first. This was truly disgusting.Their bedding was black and hairy and full of unmentionable objects Ruby so enjoys bringing in the house. The white laminex walls and floors of the beds were not white. At all. Think "Harry the Dirty Dog", only worse.
I scrubbed the bunks. This took some time. Then, God only knows why, I had a germ of an idea that was going round and round in my head. I resolved to spring clean and "unf#@f" the living room. I needed less clutter and more order in our little open plan living, dining and kitchen areas. So I moved furniture. I emptied shelves, sorted and rationalised my cookbooks - I have a pile ready to give to the Poor Children - so come and get them if you are after a freebie.
I washed walls and skirting boards. I disturbed spiders, whom I swiftly dispatched to heaven. I vacuumed behind couches, the TV unit and the tile fire. I dusted and wiped down dusty surfaces. I ever rotated the dining table and surprise, surprise, the whole space seemed roomier.
After I'd dealt with repeated vacuuming behind the TV unit, it was time to move it back into position. As this piece of furniture is on casters and I'd taken it backwards and forward all afternoon, I was quite comfortable in returning it to its original place.
This is when it all went pear-shaped.Whilst manoeuvring the right end into position, somehow I had my head between the unit and the wall. The casters inexplicably allowed the unit to lurch back toward the wall. With my head still between it and the wall.
My left ear came off second best. I have severely bruised it. Needless to say, my ear is not happy. I have had to resort to medicinal liquid pain relief tonight to ease my suffering.
In spite of my suffering, I was able to finish the "unf#@king" the living room. The issue is that I also wanted to clean the top of the fridge. This is not happening today. Tomorrow, if my ear has recovered, I shall tackle the top of the fridge. Wish me luck.
And I am blaming Colleen for my misadventure...my ear is waiting for an apology...!
This is the story of my life!
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