We had also been congratulating ourselves on fewer trips to the dreaded Big Smoke. Once again, this is going to change. Once again, through no fault of ours, circumstances have conspired to produce a change of direction when we least expected it.
For those who read my posts, you may have been aware that Alex had moved house to share with another young disabled man. We were aware that this was meant to be a month's trial, so I set up extra support to help Alex transition into the new environment. The lure of reduced rent and the possibility of a forever home for Alex had been too good an opportunity to pass up.
We never dreamt that we would not be able to make this situation work. Alex is really an easy going personality - cheerful, respectful, enthusiastic, eager to please. As far as he was concerned, the move had been positive; he was settling in and enjoying his developing relationship with the young man, his family, the carers and the house.
We had been asked by the family to agree to certain requirements. That the house was the other young man's was made, repeatedly, very clear on a number of occasions. Alex's personal belongings were cut to the bare minimum, so there would be no confusion as to whose was whose. Fair enough. And then Alex was told to find alternative accommodation for two weeks whilst some family were away and others moved into the house. A bit awkward, but he managed to source a bed at another young man's house.
Alex moved into the house, unpacked, sorted his room and then had to leave for the two weeks. We had arranged that the extra support would start when he moved back, so any issues could be solved before they became major disasters. Michael and I still had full confidence that there were no untenable problems.
So, he'd been in the new house for two weeks, away for two weeks, then back for twenty-four hours when all hell broke loose. The mum sent me a personal message, explaining that Alex was not the housemate they were looking for, that their son was no longer excited by Alex's presence and that Alex wasn't part of their vision for their son.
I was stunned, devastated and bamboozled. I sent a very carefully worded e-mail back, asking very specific questions, hoping to salvage the situation. In my opinion, they hadn't given Alex a fair trial and the extra support that was supposed to circumvent any problems was about to start.
I am at a loss to know what the family wanted in a housemate for their son. My questions have not been answered. They spoke of the vision, of a housemate to share their son's life and to participate in his activities. Slowly, another possibility came to the surface. The need for a night carer had been identified.
Alex had been very proud of his efforts in "helping" with the young man's care. Yet the family had made it clear Alex was not his carer. Okay. So, Alex's role in the house became fuzzier and fuzzier. Until the bombshell.
I had been foolish. the longed for "forever" home, that had been dangled tantalisingly in front of us was not to be. The family insisted the decision was not personal. Alex just hadn't fitted into their vision for their son.
Yet, I don't believe they understand the impact of all of their decisions. Alex had divested himself of many of his cooking and kitchen items as there would have been duplication. We had brought his fridge, his table and chairs and his couches back to Beverley. Other belongings had been given away as we thought that they would no longer be needed. Alex now had no home, few household goods and the realisation that his presence was no longer desired in the house.
And I had to explain to him that he wasn't part of the vision. That he was an amiable young man who had done nothing wrong, but he was a bit on the nose. That the decision had been made with no consultation with us or him.
And I can't help feeling we have been used in an experiment, so they could work out what kind of housemate they actually wanted. At Alex's expense. I feel like he has been chomped up and then spat out. And we went along for the ride.
I get that the family think Alex is an all around good guy and that they believe they have done nothing wrong. I remember the last time Alex was excluded from participating with no valid reason. Back in primary school, he was asked to leave the school choir whilst the rest of the children performed at an eisteddfod. Then the teacher invited him back into the choir. Alex, after thinking, declined her offer.
We have been fighting exclusion all Alex's life. I understand that the other family feel they are striving to give their son a fulfilling, stimulating and inclusive life. And in doing so, they have inadvertently orchestrated Alex to be excluded from a possible long term home.
The mum has expressed a wish to remain friends. That is a curly proposition. I am feeling rather ambivalent at the moment...
Alex in groove mode at the BeFriend Ball
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