Heavenly Beverley : Smoke and Mirrors

I had just spent most of the day on the phone to Centrelink. The majority of this time has been on hold. Like right now.

I had hoped that the confusion and the anarchy reigning supreme at the Department of Human Services had mellowed in our case. We foolishly, oh so very foolishly, assumed that saga of our assets had been settled. We had received two lovely automated letters confirming that after all the angst, our pensions were only dropping by about forty dollars a fortnight. That loss we could absorb.

Then came this morning. I was demonstrating how to access the MyGov website to my darling husband. Lurking within his inbox was an ominous message relating to his Disability Support Pension. Another day, another combined assets figure and another pension adjustment. In the downwards direction of course. Somehow over three days, our assets had increased by fifty thousand dollars. Consequently, our pensions were dropping by another forty dollars each. WTF?

So far, I have tried to talk to "Complex Enquiries"First fail. The number only took me to the usual Disability line. First misinformation on an official letter from Centrelink. Then I rang Complaints. A delightful lady, Jeanene tried to help. Silly me. Customers can't get through to the Complex Enquiries section. Not permitted. She took my information away for clarification. This token achieved nothing. Their figures still came back suggesting we were property tycoons. Jeanene also dropped the term 'deeming credits' before we ended our conversation. She also requested an appeal for us.

Being vaguely aware of this phrase, I searched for meaning in relation to Centrelink. The Department of Human Services feedback on deeming, how it was applied, to whom and for what reason, did my head in again. I must have read the explanatory paragraph and its examples three times and it still didn't make the slightest sense to me.

However at the bottom of the page was a number for Financial Services. I was saved! Second fail. The Financial Services line had changed its name to the Older Australians line, which offered me a droning monologue by their fearless leader, Hank Jongen ( now there's an unhappy name).

Another call to the Complaints line. Matthew assured us we weren't subject to deeming. But as we dissected our assets piece by piece, we came upon the sale of our previous home at Brooking Street. Our previous principal place of residence....except their records had not included that teeny weeny vital information. The proceeds from the sale of our home had cunningly been counted as assets by the powers that be. And nobody picked up this mistake.

Which is why Centrelink being privy to their screens, as opposed to our screens is a disaster of epic proportions. If we don't know what is on their screens, how do we pick up if Centrelink has made an error? The onus is all on us to give correct information. But them? Matthew only tripped over the mistake by accident because I was insisting on adding up our assets one by one.

I have now been on hold for over forty-five minutes. And counting. This could be good or bad. I hope that this vindicates us. Or there may be another rule or policy to confound us. And I've already charged my phone once so far.

The phone call is over. One hour, twenty-three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. According to the new calculations, we will still be losing sixty dollars each a fortnight. At least that's better that the previous figure. There was a bit of hemming and hawing as to whether our house had been inadvertently been counted as an asset.

But I am spent. I can't do any more today. I will wait with bated breath for the next automated letter generated for us. And wonder what Centrelink Bingo holds for us this time.