Heavenly Beverley : I'm Gonna Be A Nanny!

Oh, my giddy aunt...I'm gonna be a grandmother. Callum and Bron are expecting a baby, due in December. Truth be known, I have been thoroughly cognisant with this bloody awesome information since mid-April. The immediate family were all sworn to secrecy as Bronwyn has endured a perfectly hideous first trimester with that quite horrid condition (hyperemesis gravida), also experienced by the Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton). Obviously, Bron must be destined for a life of high luxury...

I have often been guilty of extreme and unpredictable blurting, caused by my mouth running away with itself due to high excitement. Which is why I have had to watch everything I've uttered for two months, lest I let the cat out of the bag. This has been incredibly difficult for me, given my natural tendency for hyperactive and joyous verbal explosions.

Bron's Mum and Dad have chosen the titles of Ma and Pa in their plans for welcoming the newest member of our combined family. I have always wanted to be known as Nanny. Michael has pronounced himself to be Granddad. I tried to convince him to take on the moniker of Grampy...in honour of his role as a grumpy old fart. He declined...

Vanessa has been a devotee of Terry Pratchett's books for a very long time. She has previously labelled me as a version of Nanny Ogg. Although she had given me titbits of Nanny Ogg's character, I decided that I needed to carry out some research of my own. I was pleasantly surprised and delighted to be compared to the aforementioned Missus Ogg.

Nanny is one of the witches in "Discworld" and a Mother with a capital M. She is interested in everybody and has a knack for inclusion and love within her circle. She doles out advice, which is usually well-received. She also believes that an empathetic ear (with a vino) is a recipe for keeping those she loves close. She is pretty unshockable but is quite capable of executing tough decisions should circumstances require such action.

She stores her shopping bag in her knickers. Keeps her hands free...for a glass of wine perhaps?

Excellent.

An unexpected consequence of awaiting the arrival of the Most Spoilt Baby in History is that I have become incredibly clucky. This has come as a total shock. Don't get me wrong; I have always adored my children and fought for them tooth and nail as needs be. However, there have been occasions when I have regarded them as disagreeably irksome and not particularly likable. I have not been known for my sympathy either. In order to stay at home officially sick, my children have either had to exhibit roaring temperatures or vomit spectacularly and repeatedly. Then I would confine them to bed so they would want to get better as soon as possible.

Now, I have all the symptoms of a brooding chook on speed. A recent expedition to Spotlight nearly ended in financial catastrophe as Vanessa (First Auntie) and I darted around wanting to buy extravagant gifts for a baby the size of a pea. I find myself imagining snuggling with my grandbaby, entertaining a toddler with my unique storytelling, dancing and singing incredibly badly with a pre-schooler, going on dates to the shopping centre with my wise-cracking school grandkid, commiserating with the pre-teen angst and always being available for this child, no matter what.

How extraordinary...

I have no doubt that Michael will be an equally excellent Granddad, and hopefully temper some of Nanny Kate's giddy enthusiasm and outlandish schemes.

Just not too much.