Heavenly Beverley : It's The BEA-GLE!

Saturday 23 April 2016

It's The BEA-GLE!

Those of you who follow my posts would know that Ruby the Beagle has often reduced us to tears. Of grief over yet another Beagley altered object. Of frustration. Of anger. And occasionally, of hysterical laughter.

Ruby appears to be the most stupid dog on the planet. The reverse is actually true. She has a mind like a steel trap, the persistence of a battering ram and the cunning of Voldemort. She observes, quietly and without fuss, through her beautiful kohl-rimmed eyes, for her next thrilling endeavour.

Not that she does anything at speed. God forbid...we have had reports of Beverley residents questioning the presence of a rotund little dog resolutely trotting, with silent, albeit slow purpose, around the streets of our town.

Her excavations are legendary. We now have a fence like Colditz, with broken bricks, rusty wheels, and coffee rocks lining its perimeter. Except where there is a new hole in the very small gaps that still exist in our exclusion zone.

Not to mention we spent a great deal of time and money erecting an electric line around the fence with the associated dog collar. Ruby has discovered a number of ways to circumvent this obstacle. At night, she frequently sleeps in our bedroom - on the floor, on my chair, on my pyjamas and if she can spring up without us waking, the bottom corners of our bed. The problem is the electric zap on her neck if she enters our room, given its proximity to the outside wire. So, we often take the collar off at night to allow her entry into our inner sanctum.

Typically, Ruby uses our good nature to her advantage. If she is able to sneak out before we notice, she is off to explore her universe. And this week, she has discovered a gold mine right next door. Which means maximum carnage with minimum exercise.

Ryan, who moved his bus into our paddock almost two weeks ago, has Muddy's dog kibble bucket outside under his awning. Ryan has been intrigued by its apparent suicidal tendencies to end up on its side, with its lid askew and its contents mysteriously reducing.

On further investigation, he discovered the Hole by the connecting gate. The mystery was revealed. So was the gigantic proportions of the Hole's diameter. The Beagle's girth, after feasting on stolen kibble, expanded to such an extent that she was forced to engage in further exercise and increase the size of her escape route.

And this morning, her collar intact around her neck, we believe that she has simply ignored it in order to return to the Other Side. She has just innocently tiptoed back into our dining nook, panting furiously - a telltale sign of increased energy on her behalf.

And she is enormous....God save us from the Beagle.