Heavenly Beverley : The Myth, The Reality, The Expose!

Who remembers the early heady days of "60 Minutes", the excruciating and continuing tabloid journalism of "A Current Affair" and that laughable mix of news and current affairs that was the ill conceived "National"? There have also been quality and consistent productions such as "7.30", "Four Corners", "Insight" and "Australian Story". Note that the public broadcasting services seem to have produced more fact and less farce - coincidence? I think not.

The fabulously dreadful current affair shows have, fortunately, birthed a legion of satirical, hilarious and cynical programmes and performers, the scripts bitingly close to the truth. Who hasn't appreciated "Utopia", that mimics the complete lack of any progress in government agencies and by their staff? Earlier incarnations included the "Gillies Report" and "Frontline", with skits aplenty on shows like "The D Generation" and "Full Frontal". Exquisite characters were created by Rob Sitch, Marg Downey and the glorious John Clarke (with able assistance from Brian Dawe) and left us laughing at the staged poncing and preening of those presenters and their mignons.

I was enjoying a sentimental trip into the past this morning, remembering Marg Downer in her power shoulder pads and big hair, all supremely in seeming control. During this journey down memory lane, I was also contemplating how to express the bouquets and brickbats that I wish to toss in the aftermath of my most recent hospital stay.

The problem is, that as a Blogger, I find I am not taken seriously if I become all earnest and careful and choosy of my words. That isn't particularly my style anyway. So how can I persuade any audience to think and react and remember and want to change the status quo, rather than responding "what can I do about any of this. I am just one person..."

If we all read and nod and agree and become even a tiny bit frustrated and aggrieved, maybe real change is possible. The public health system is groaning under the weight of preventable diseases, baby boomers and lack of foresight. But what about those of us with Private Health Insurance, who have paid premiums since Adam was a boy, expect better and still are short changed.

Time for a good old-fashioned EXPOSE, I say!

In the brochures, Hollywood Private Hospital looks welcoming and accommodating, with "trial room service" as a feature, large and airy rooms, decent bathrooms, permitting patients to have a support person/boarder on site (once you struggle through the bureaucracy) and world class care. They were the carefully stage managed myths that I was delighted to expect. The reality was somewhat different, so in no particular order, here goes...

the airconditioning was either freezing or stuffy. We needed socks, which we had, and cardigans, which we didn't.
what is wrong with these people? Patients need blankets, not crappy coverlets.
the patient's whiteboard, which was supposed to be used by nurses to note their names, time of medications and observations, for information, was only used by one nurse. Vale Isabella.
the bathroom was not well designed. I did not have enough room to sit on the loo and wipe my arse. Trying standing over a loo after a knee replacement and try to mop up.
the man hole in the bathroom was hilariously left open at a jaunty angle for three days.
the towels are thin and not fit for purpose.
all medications are locked away for "safety". Most of the nurses had no clue about the names of my meds, so I provided the information as they doled them out. Because I had no idea when my pain meds were supposed to be given, I became cranky and augmentative.
the care lurched from "call us if you need anything" and waiting up to half an hour for attendance to having a nurse wake me out of a sound sleep, not introduce herself and tell me to take the tablets. I was disoriented in the extreme - this occurred one evening.
Appearances were deceiving...the menu was still mass produced in the kitchen, still arrived cold and overcooked and was often a bit of a lottery if we would get what we ordered and whether our trays would arrive together.
the promised lactose free milk was a furphy on the ward and had to be ordered specially. When we did receive some, it then duly disappeared from the nurses' fridge on our last morning.
the bed tables were distinctly wobbly, aged and uncooperative. The bathroom cabinet had warped with water damage. The siting of the doors into the room and the bathroom was hopeless - they would routinely collide with each other.
having vomiting and diarrhoea over two days really was the icing on my cake of woe.

And now some compliments -

the Acute Pain Team were wonderful, approachable and compassionate. There is nothing elegant about sitting on a shower seat in distress without a stitch of clothing on me. They attempted to ease my discomfort, provide me with hope and give me information.
the physio Olivia was a girl knight in shining amour.
many thanks to Isabella, Marlene, Tayla, Rebecca, Alannah and all the nurses and assistants who attempted to make my hospital stay as stress free as possible. Those who considered me a pain - (they were also probably correct) , may need to just think about their responses as I was frightened and anxious much of the time. Perhaps there needs to be continuing education about talking to patients such as myself!
Kon Kozacs has given me a fabulous new knee. Currently day 5 post op, I am in a far better position than I was first time around.
the junior doctor, Michael, who moved my drip after the bloody thing beeped continuously has my undying gratitude.
the regional pain block, aside from the occasionally pinging! irritation, was an absolute godsend.

And the postscript? I am so grateful to be alive and recovering. Our winter expedition is now the silver lining less than five months away. And next time that I see Cal, Bron and Immy, I won't look like I am one foot from the grave.

I slept for four hours yesterday afternoon, and apart from a few restless moments, well overnight in our own bed.

How good is that?!

PS I am never going to hospital again (if I can possibly avoid those places!).