Heavenly Beverley : Happy Anniversary Baby...(Got You on My Mind...)

Time is weird. Some minutes, hours, days, weeks and months fly past at a rate of speedy knots. Other periods drag at a snail's pace or appear to stand still all together. Often waiting in anticipation means very slow and very frustrating clock watching. Then, as the moment of joy or even dread arrives, time speeds up. I always find the wait for the dentist excruciating. Once in the chair, with the gentle Dentist to the Stars Vincent talking soothingly to my chicken self, the ordeal is over far quicker than expected.

Ten years ago, I met the love of my life. I had been separated from the ex since 2005. Rather rapidly, I fell into a disastrous relationship with the Sicilian Sociopath, who picked me up in Bunnings and lied from the very beginning. I found out he was married seven months later...

After extracting myself from this awful mess, I had a very nice month long relationship with a sweet and boring New Zealander. Pencil Dick was overwhelmed by my social nature and swiftly broke up with me just after Christmas in 2008. I may have shed a tear or two.

In January 2009, I embarked on a series of hilarious First Dates. The Wide-Mouthed Frog grinned from ear to ear and stared at my boobs for half an hour. Dave the Brave had no sense of humour and didn't like dogs. The Chilian Stallion thought he was God's gift to women, except he was short with no neck, balding, fat and right wing. The Creepy Anaesthetic Technician accused me of being frigid when I wouldn't have sex with him on our virgin meeting. On Oasis Active, the number of blokes I rejected was in the dozens.

By May, I had decided to become a Lesbian. But, a fellow kept lurking around looking at my online profile. So, I lurked back and looked at his profile. Spider52 was a smoker and looking for friendship...His secret photos were of his children and his dog. A widower, he was lonely and needed companionship. Little did he know that his previous (now deceased) wife's friends were planning to hitch him up with One Of Their Own.

We eventually contacted each other directly on 19 May 2009. That first online conversation lasted hours, mostly because Michael's typing speed was a tad slow. We arranged to meet three days later at the Dog Exercise Area within Whiteman Park. On the way there (naturally running late), Michael phoned me to announce that he was running late...And so the most unpunctual couple on the planet met.

I fell in love with Michael the second I looked into his liquid-gold brown eyes. He took longer, putting me through a series of tests prior to committing himself. A sales and service trip which introduced me to his working environment. A Goldfields trip to test my mettle in the isolation of a stunning landscape with only Michael as company. I adored every second of being with him.

The first year of our relationship would have tried the patience of several saints. I was rejected by his children and by some of his friends. We snatched moments of bliss amongst the reality of his situation. Time apart dragged horrendously and time together was all too fleeting.

After a year together, Michael's health broke down physically and emotionally. He was painfully thin, grey and lost in misery. I believe that if I hadn't rescued him, Michael would have died from his pain.

Six months later, we escaped the Big Smoke and arrived in Heavenly Beverley. The last eight and a half years here have been the stuff of dreams. And the occasional nightmare. But look at us now. Every now and then, I pinch myself for the life I lead with my beloved husband. We live in a beautiful home. We have the East End Gallery. We love Beverley. We have the means to escape every now and then in Digger our wondrous caravan.

I am currently sitting next to Michael at our study desk. I haven't felt that crash hot today and I'm still in my jarmies. We've had a slob day, doing very little. And we don't give a toss.