Heavenly Beverley : Secrets, Surprises and Silliness in Sharon

Our week in Sharon drew to a close rather faster than we were anticipating. My brother Simon is an agreeable, amiable and very generous host. His house is easy living in a spectacular location. He has friends up and down the street, the river at his doorstep and he is single-handedly creating a hidden sanctuary removed enough from the babble and noise of Bundaberg.

What had not occurred to me were the horrors lurking in the shadows of Simon's pantry and fridge. Simon cheerfully admits he is not enamoured with housework - that's why he has a cleaning lady. Plus he has backpackers, family and friends staying with him from time to time, all of whom add to the mayhem in his kitchen. His fridge has the interior of the TARDIS and its very own cloak of invisibility. Food items can vanish from view, only to miraculously reappear the next day. I swear both a pineapple and a coleslaw salad performed this frustrating trick.

I spent an afternoon throwing out items from 2017, including an exceedingly bloated crab dip, that looked like it should be in a locked laboratory. Vegemite with mould growing in a couple of spots - I didn't know anything could grow on Vegemite - was rehabilitated with two sharp excisions of the offending areas. Then I cleaned the shelves and placed the contents back into some sort of order. Simon was genuinely grateful and mildly amused by my cleaning frenzy.

A brand new packet of rice was found to have a somewhat unwelcome guest. Upon watching him scurry around, Simon commented he doubted the little creature would eat much...

In the end, the pantry defeated me. Apart from scouring its innards from time to time in the vain hope of locating some everyday ingredients, I decided to give this labyrinth of dubious foodstuffs no further attention. I may have been carted off to the loony bin if I had persisted.

Sharon also delighted us with the friendly residents, all of whom waved if we saw them on the street. Directly across the road from Simon were Gordon and Val with their two-and-a-half acres of extraordinary gardens carved out of gravel pits over about fifteen years. The gardens now support themselves, requiring little additional water and minimal attention, having created their own micro-climate under the canopy of the taller trees.

Gordon's shed is a testament to his serious collecting, salvaging and restoration. He has items from his father and his grandfather. He has repaired and maintained some incredibly interesting gizmos, included a machine that separated the corn kernels from the cobs. His wicked sense of humour is on display as well. His wife Val is an absolutely delightful lady who copes admirably with Gordon's larger than life personality. She is creative in her own right, crocheting colourful bed throws. And always on the lookout for a bargain gift for the children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. Go, Val. We had a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon and subsequent morning with them before we left.

Tony and Karen, Simon's legendary friends for over thirty years are also resident on the same street. Currently returning from a cruise to Antarctica (!), I am waiting with bated breath for their next intrepid adventure. In the meantime, I wish them ongoing freedom from flooding and no further mishaps to befall any other boats. That previous episode involved a large tree and a whopping ker-thump. Apparently, this replacement boat, same model and brand as the destroyed one, just doesn't quite cut the mustard.

Finally, an act of pure silliness married with a stroke of genius. This could have only happened to Simon. On the night of the BBQ, he suddenly exclaimed that a bug had flown into his ear. He vacated into the house rapidly, I suppose in search of some medically approved oily liquid to flush out the unwelcome guest. Returning triumphantly moments later, he sang the praises of the eau de cologne he had squirted into his ear without a moment's hesitation. I suspect the bug departed due to the blast of pure alcohol that still permeated out of Simon's ear for quite some time.

There is only one course of action. We shall have to return to the wilds of Sharon in due course.