Heavenly Beverley : An Ode to Centrelink.

Tuesday 7 March 2017

An Ode to Centrelink.

Actually, this is a haiku to Centrelink, written on the spot today by one of my fabulously gifted friends. According to Wikipedia, a traditional Japanese haiku is a three-line poem with seventeen syllables, written in a 5/7/5 syllable count.

Alas Centrelink
You need to communicate
To facilitate.

Don't get me wrong. For once, I am not complaining about the welfare leviathan. A new week brought two new tomes from the agency, one through the MyGov inbox and one by automated letter. My last contact was with my Mystery Man, the one who had worked in the Department of Human Services for twenty-seven years. This was a bloke who deserved a medal for perseverance. He was very clear and explained how and why our assets were calculated as they were. He actually made sense, and although I wasn't entirely happy with the outcome of our conversation, I was resigned that this discussion would be the end of the matter.

Not quite. I am delighted to report that our latest correspondence from Centrelink confirms both my previously calculated assets and our rates of pension. After two months of numerous letters, lengthy phone calls, repeated visits to Centrelink offices and countless hours gathering information, the numbers have finally crunched in our favour.

I hope that this happy conclusion remains as our status quo. I will certainly question any revision of our pensions in the downward direction or our assets in the upward direction. I would just like to have a break from the grinding mental angst and fatigue that are generated by my encounters with Centrelink. A chance to rest on our laurels, finish our house and lessen our assets even further, under that magic $375 000 line. When that happens, our pensions could be restored in full.

We live in hope.

In the meantime, our Social Services Minister, Mr Christian Porter will be in attendance at the Hotel Beverley on Friday 17 March from 4.30 pm - 6.30 pm for a pint and politics. You can join him in the beer garden for a chat over a drink. The event details and RSVP are on my Facebook page.

For the first time in two months, I feel heard. I feel vindicated. Even if I'm only been in contact with Deep Thought, at last, we have a logical, sensible outcome.

And may the odds be ever in our favour.