Back in the time of the dinosaurs, an American physics professor was able to infiltrate our television screens thanks to his love of science, his instantly recognisable wild hair and horn rimmed glasses and his joy of illustrating science through his many recorded experiments. Ladies and gentlemen, vale Julius Sumner Miller.
The youngest of nine (!) children of American immigrants, he graduated with a Masters of physics in the early 1930s. An early job was an a butler for a wealthy doctor, his wife Alice acting as a maid. He began to secure university appointments, and won a science grant which allowed him to meet his hero, Albert Einstein in 1950. He joined the physics department of El Camino College in Torrance, California, which is now part of Greater Los Angeles in 1952. He remained on staff there until 1974, his eccentric style a hit amongst the students.
Between 1963 and 1986, he was a Visiting Professor at the University of Sydney. When a filmed experiment involving a straw and a potato failed, he uttered a disparaging comment at Australian straws being sub-standard. The following day, he arrived at his lab to discover that a million straws had been helpfully dropped off, so he would always have a spare straw to meet his requirements.
Julius was intolerant of poor spelling and bad grammar, once exclaiming - "We are approaching a darkness in the land. Boys and girls are emerging from every level of school with certificates and degrees, but they can't read, write or calculate. We don't have academic honesty or intellectual rigor. Schools have abandoned integrity and rigor." My darling Dad would probably agree with his point of view.
"Why Is It So" was both the title of his television series and his frequently uttered quote. Julius is quite dead, and has been since 1987, which is not at all to my liking as I have a number of questions I would wish the great man to ponder...
1. Why are medication blister packs so difficult to open?
This problem is, I believe, a conspiracy generated by Big Pharma to entice us to lose medication so that we have to purchase more. How many of us struggle to push out tiny capsules or tablets from these blasted packs. More often than not, this procedure turns into a physics experiment as the force needed results in tablets flying across the room to be swallowed by the dog, disappear under the couch or be destroyed underneath a shoe. I recently cut my nails, which usually act as the instrument to pierce the dreaded foil. I expect I shall have to resort to buying a pill ejector to assist in this weekly grind.
2. Why are the size, shape and colour of medications constantly changed?
I kid you not, these bloody meds have more alterations than an influencer's clothing choices. Michael's frequent complaint is that I have not included a particular medication in his weekly packs or I have doubled up. This is rarely the case. Pharmaceutical companies seem to delight in making tablets bigger or smaller, pink to white or oval to round. And back again. I expect this is why so many elderly people end up overdosing because they have no idea what they are taking. Webster packs do not help in this process as they can't be taken to hospital and deny patients knowledge of their medications. Our invaluable domestic assistant, Michelle, whom we greet with open arms once a fortnight has witnessed older clients arguing about a tablet on the floor, whose it is and who should take it!
3. Why do we have to work out what side effects we are experiencing?
I have been using Efudix ointment on my arms and hands for a couple of weeks. Having used this topical chemotherapy before, I was not particularly perturbed and did not expect any side effects, nor was I provided with any warnings by the specialist. Whom I shall have to chastise next time I see him. Soon after starting this drug, I also noticed I was more tired than usual, was wheezing a bit at night and felt like my heart had moved into my throat.
Thinking my CPAP device Batman needed an overhaul, I changed the filter and the tubing, replaced the mask and cleaned out the bath. These renovations did not improve my symptoms, so I explored the dim recesses of my brain to ascertain when the discomfort had begun.
You guessed it - these effects had coincided with the commencement of the Efudix ointment. Then I went searching for connections. Doctor Google helpfully pointed out that shortness of breath and changes in heart rhythm might be an allergic reaction and to cease using the perpetrator immediately.
I shall now have to return to the delicious Doctor Daram cutting bits out of me twice a year.
4. Why am I always stressing about the "hereafter"?
Many thanks to Mister Ron Elston for providing the title of this dilemma. How many times a day do I ask myself - why am I here and what am I after...? Where are my keys, my purse, my phone? Why am I standing clueless in the pantry/bathroom/laundry? Yes, my grip on reality is usually lost in one of these three places. And no matter how hard I try to remember, sometimes the intended activity just flies out of my brain to an alternate universe. Michael is not immune either. His most unintended gaffe was asking for dinner when he had just finished the meal...I must admit my hooting laughter could be heard for quite some time.
There are also those embarrassing occasions when I completely forget the name of a close friend. Which is always followed by that look of recognition when that bosom buddy realises I have suffered a complete mental blank and am desperately seeking the information. So far, I have been able to either disguise my appalling lapse or thankfully, remember in the nick of time.
I live in eternal hope that I will not be found out during on of these brain f$#@s!
5. And finally for today, why does the hot water always run out when I am in the shower?
Think about this disaster for a minute. The hot water never runs out when I am washing my hands or the dishes. During summer, the cold water has the habit of emerging at boiling point due to the heat of the pipes. And does the hot water ever fail when I am trying to enjoy a cool shower after a day where the temperature has reached 480 degrees.
No, the hot water chooses to run out on a breezy brisk morning with a Force 9 gale entering the bathroom and I have forgotten to turn on the heater lights. Needless to say, winter provides the ideal conditions for the cessation of hot water by our gas bottles.
And if we have a power failure, which those bureaucrats in the city orchestrate frequently for us regional people, the gas hot water shuts down due to its electric ignition...
Plus, I am sure that some gas bottles are just not nice. Recently, one of them gave all the indications of drawing its last gasp, necessitating panic mode to order a replacement. But when Marcus from our local hardware arrived to do a switch over, he discovered that the suspect bottle was still about a third full. How dumb did we look? I expect the gas bottles had a good chuckle about that farce.
Thus endeth my rant for today. Julius, do us all a favour. If you would be so kind, I would very much appreciate a rise from your grave and a revival of "Why Is It So?" for all of us who are contemplating such massive issues on a daily basis.
That is all.
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