Heavenly Beverley : Kate's Coronavirus Chronicles - Now is NOT the Time to Watch Horror Movies!

Saturday 4 April 2020

Kate's Coronavirus Chronicles - Now is NOT the Time to Watch Horror Movies!

Faced with a mixed bag of television viewing after our favourite "Gardening Australia" on the ABC, we pondered our options. Michael wasn't keen on the thriller series (which we hadn't been watching anyway) or Pierce Brosnan as James Bond or Bruce Willis in action that we'd seen half a dozen times. Incredibly, I suggested we pull out the DVD of "28 Days Later".

What could be better than viewing an enraged bunch of zombies who had been infected during a pandemic caused by, you guessed it, a virus capable of jumping from animals to humans? Genius!

Michael had requested action. Which he received in bucketloads. Along with lots of gore, fights, explosions, shootings and an army leader gone nuts. Outstanding!

Surprisingly, the film did have a moderately happy ending. Our hero and heroine, along with a young girl picked up during a particularly nasty episode, find isolation and finally rescue as the last of the rage virus victims died from starvation. And of course, that outcome would extinguish all the awfulness of the previous ninety minutes...

I had chosen to tap on my laptop keyboard whilst all this was unfolding on the telly. Every now and then, my eyes would shift, almost involuntarily, to stage left to catch a glimpse of the carnage. Brilliant!

Then, of course, we chose to go to bed for a soundly satisfying sleep. Not. Michael, as usual, fell asleep on his back, mouth open, snoring his rocks off. I couldn't get comfortable, tossed and turned, moved large lumps of dogs backwards and forwards across the doona and was just drifting off when Michael sprang bolt upright into a sitting position and bellowed about giant ants in the bed. Splendid!

That was the final straw. Nearing one o'clock in the depths of night, I needed my beauty sleep. Faced with the prospect of Michael having imaginary ants in his pants, without a visit from Mister Carrot or Madame Cat with her suitcase to lighten proceedings, I enquired relatively forcefully whether Michael would like to have a sleeping tablet. As opposed to a bit of four by two across his skull.

He accepted my generous offer and had soon returned to Cloud Cuckoo Land. Minus any ants, giant or otherwise. After all the excitement, my trip to unconsciousness took longer. I staggered, bleary-eyed out of bed when Stella demanded attention just after seven. Attending to duty, I lasted until nine o'clock. At that point, I ordered his Majesty out of bed, declaring that I needed to return to a horizontal position and he had drawn the short straw.

I remember mumbling, "Just give me an hour" before I descended into blissful slumber. Two hours later, I was woken by a need for morning ablutions. Feeling much more refreshed, I wandered out to begin the day. Again.

Michael had admirably attended to the dogs and was in the process of making me a cup of tea as I emerged. All was forgiven for his night time shenanigans.

And the moral of this story - FFS, no more horror movies until further notice!