Dolly Everett was fourteen years old. She committed suicide on 3 January. I had never heard of Dolly or her family prior to the news of her suicide. Why has her death and the cause of her death resonated so much with me?
Because her bullies crowed. The manner of her death has become irrelevant, but is still unthinkable. What drives a young girl, with an obviously loving family and support network, to suicide? What kind of evil delights in a child killing herself? I am enraged.
We should all be enraged. WE SHOULD ALL BE ENRAGED. Bullying has become entrenched in all facets of our lives. We have become blind to bullying. We choose not to accuse the bullies and expose them. We thank God every day when bullying isn't prevalent within our family or friends. Bullies are buoyed by their successes when their victims crumble and move on to torment somebody else.
What to do? I was bullied as a child, teenager and adult. All these bullies took different personas. Prepubescent girls were my first encounters with bullying. Mum told me to walk away. Mum spoke to my teacher. Just when I was becoming comfortable with my school companions, we moved. From Brisbane to Sydney.
At eleven, I faced a very sophisticated kind of bully. I was a girl from Hicksville, with red hair, freckles and buck teeth. I was an easy target. If I'd had a flashing sign across my forehead with the word VICTIM in red lettering, my vulnerability couldn't have been more obvious. To combat the bullying, I became a bully. Cornered in a locker room at thirteen, I attacked the girl/child tormenting me and chucked her across the space by her neck. I have never forgotten that episode. How easily did I become a bully myself?
Since then, I have tried to become more proactive and less reactive when dealing with bullies. Very difficult. Due to a variety of circumstances, my mental health was rocky from my late teens and I had a breakdown in 2006. In some ways, my stay in a psychiatric clinic was the beginning of my current life. I became more resilient. However, some bullies were still able to penetrate my carefully arranged armour and cause havoc with the Black Dog as their ally. And I have fought be create a life worth living throughout and beyond these episodes.
How can we, as citizens of this world, prevent fourteen year olds like Dolly Everett killing themselves? Or ten year olds? Or twelve year olds? Or fifteen year olds? Or twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty year olds committing suicide. These scenarios has caused me much angst as I've struggled to think of possible solutions.
We need to challenge bullies wherever they may be. And protect and comfort their prey. The "no blame" attitude is not working. Bullies have to be stopped or at the very least curtailed. Because children who are bullies grow into adults who are bullies. We see this phenomenon everywhere. The child who kills another child. The teenager who harasses a classmate. A couple consumed by domestic violence. The employer who harrangues their employees. The politician in a position of ultimate power. The company manipulating their shareholders. The agency that belittles their clients.
We need to take on the bully. Which takes supreme courage. Not everybody can do this. But if we can all support the bully's opponent, then the bully will be deprived of the thrill of the chase. So, we need to promote worthy causes. We need to announce objections to unfair practices. We need to challenge the hierarchy. Help the disadvantaged, the disabled, the vulnerable and the poor.
Otherwise the bullies will triumph. And we could all become Dolly.
Fuck that.
Drawing by Dolly.
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