A very long time ago, I read a book of stories detailing British rule in India during their final decades in the twentieth century. That book was titled "Plain Tales From The Raj" and documented life in a simple and often nostalgic way. The "plain" reality of their lives included daily routines, travelling to the Hill Country to escape the summer heat, the vital position of the "ayah" for the children and all the other servants, the social life and British bureaucracy. The book did not shy away from the difficulties often experienced by the Anglo-Indians. as well as the racial barriers and segregation faced by the majority of the Indian population. However, "Plain Tales From The Raj" was a wonderful read, definitely a book one might leave in the toilet for those times an extended sit might be on the cards.
Most Australians I know have generally easy-going relationships with their toilets, which remain functional devices for specific purposes, but may also be a refuge from small children, a chance to gather one's thoughts, create scathingly brilliant ideas, enjoy a game on one's phone, the next chapter of a book or just quiet time.
Originally, having a wee or a poo might involve sitting or standing at a structure over a hole in the ground just next to your humpy or tent or simple structure made out of whatever material was at hand - hessian, scavenged scrap or corrugated iron. As houses grew, the introduction of outdoor dunnies became all the rage, situated at the rear of the properties so that the "night soil men" operating the night carts in lanes could collect all the daily human waste in its pan through a external flap and replacing with a clean pan for the following day. The seat and pan underneath were also referred to as "a thunderbox" with the whole structure known as "the dunny". Toilet paper was virtually non existent, with squares of newspaper or the phone-book hung on a hook within the confines of the dunny. Some toilets had neither a roof nor a door, illustrating that yesterday's Australians were certainly not squeamish about being discovered in the midst of necessary bodily functions.
Toilets in Australia have also been known the loo, the bog, the crapper, the shithouse, the lav or more formally the W.C. (water closet). A favourite nickname for one was coined by my first husband. Our toilet, situated in our half of an elderly Queenslander (house on stilts) uttered a deep and prolonged guttural noise whilst flushing and was thenceforth known as the crogan.
I must admit to rather intense irritation when Australians declare that they are off to "the bathroom". Really? A good friend of ours was reminiscing, as a young child just arrived from the U.K., asking where the bathroom in the house was during a visit to an Australian family, She was promptly shown the bathroom, which didn't help her cause, as what she really needed was a wee...
I blame Americans for this outcome. They have no problem with the right to bear arms, and using those arms on an extremely frequent basis, yet they could not cope with an episode of "Bluey" when Bandit lets rip a fart, known much more gently as a fluff in this magnificent children's animated series. Another great Australian fart scene is during a wonderful movie called "The Sum Of Us", featuring Jack Thompson and a young Russell Crowe, when Jack's character, who has suffered a stroke, nevertheless continues narrating to the audience whilst plonked on the loo and also lets fly a most impressive fart. The Americans seem to have completely lost touch with that famous fart scene in "Blazing Saddles", released in 1974, now regarding the mention any bodily functions (sometimes even including breastfeeding) as Topics Not To Be Mentioned.
Returning to the argument at hand - like our friend Jen, who does one do upon asking for the bathroom if there is no toilet in there? Drop your drawers in the bath? Balance perilously above the vanity basin? Retreat in shame to ask awkwardly for the actual toilet? Would not the whole process be so much simpler if we all just accepted that a toilet is a toilet and the bathroom is the bathroom? Certainly, there are sometimes toilets placed within the confines of bathrooms, but not always. In fact, during the 1950s,1960s and 1970s, Australian houses often consisted of two bedrooms, with a "sleepout" often becoming the third bedroom and the toilet was located in or adjacent to the laundry. Nowhere near the bathroom.
I fear I may be fighting a losing battle with the encroaching Americanisation of our lives but I will not go down without a fight. If I ever hear myself asking to go to the bathroom, I swear that I will have lost my marbles and I should immediately be removed to the funny farm as quickly as possible.
The end.
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