Heavenly Beverley : OH! The PAIN, The PAIN, The PAIN...

Jonathan Harris, cast as the Villain Doctor Zachary Smith in the "Lost In Space" series, started as your average bad guy with no redeeming features whatsoever. However, the actor drove the character firmly towards comedy during the first series, cementing his place (along with the Robot) as both central to and more than just a spy who happened to get stuck on the spaceship he had been sent to destroy. The banter between Doctor Smith and the Robot became the stuff of legend. I still use the insult "you bubble-headed booby" and my other favourites include "you cumbersome clod" and "pretentious popinjay". Absolutely delicious alliteration. Plus, the Robot's laugh will go down in history.

However, Dr Smith, being rather cowardly and panicky would often find himself on the Back Foot, having to retreat disgracefully, whilst muttering "Oh, the pain, the pain, the pain!"

There have been occasions lately that I have wished to withdraw completely from the universe, and being able to blame The Pain, Menopause, Post Menopause, ADHD, Lunatic Tendencies or simply OVERLOAD for every catastrophe....

The last few months really illuminate the semi-controlled maelstrom of my existence. My quest to get to the bottom of my treatment for a tooth abscess at Northam Health Campus continues. I have received a grovelling apology but no closure. Why wasn't I triaged correctly on a Monday afternoon? Why was "the investigation" into my attendance unable to identify any of the nursing staff who had contact with me? Why was I treated with such contempt - given analgesics with a hair in a cup and refused assistance to go to the toilet? Why was I not given a discharge summary? Why were Michael and I shunted out a different door rather than through Emergency? The worst aspect was that Michael, ever so subtly, began to disbelieve the extent of my condition.

The apology is meaningless without understanding of the events. What happened to me will happen to somebody else unless there is systematic change. People matter. Empathy matters. Good practices matter. I shall be answering their sincere apology with some more questions...

Northam Hospital is not on its own at totally missing the point that their clientele is their reason for being. I have been, agonisingly slowly, negotiating with Telstra on their failure to provide adequate mobile and internet services to us over at least ten years. Not until we dropped our landline at the beginning of 2017 did we truly realise the scale of the problem.

We have endured weeks of repeated phone calls, running dozens of "speed tests", listening to both excuses and mind numbing gobbledegook and being offered no viable solutions. This week, I was offered a slight glimmer of hope. An Australian Telstra staffer listened to my tale of woe and suggested a way forward. She gave me space and time to vent spleen without judgement. And she advised me to use the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman (TIO) as leverage with Telstra. Incidentally, Telstra were supposed to offer me a solution by 7 May...Whoops! She also voluntarily offered, in answer to my question, that all staff at Telstra Complaints were not Australian born. How to brilliantly dispose of pesky complainants who have lousy reception...

Another contender for taking up far too much of my time goes to - Great Southern Bank. Part of their mission statement is "Let’s unlock your happily ever after"... All marvellous in theory. Except when we tried to consolidate debt by increasing our housing loan by 25%. We estimate the value of our house has increased from $250 000 to $400 000. (at least). Property prices in Beverley has risen by 41% in the last twelve months, so we believed we were in with a good chance.

No, they wouldn't increase our housing loan amount. No, they wouldn't give us a fixed term personal loan. No way to create an easier one payment option for us. Plus, I had been trying to organise this outcome for over a month...and the Bank knew this. So, their response to "let's unlock your happily ever after" was to nearly double our interest rate, then lower it by .34%, adding one hundred dollars a month to our mortgage repayment and refuse any assistance to consolidate our debt. When I have a couple of minutes to scratch my arse, I might consider looking at alternative lending options.

We have postponed our latest round with the NDIA until September. Once less entity to battle...Amusingly, I received a Facebook post requesting opinions about the NDIA/S by a researcher. I seriously had to restrain myself from producing a monumental tome.

The great news is that I have given the gift of a break for seven days. My brother Simon is arriving with his lady Geraldine from the Eastern States. Given I have lived here for 43 years, perhaps the time has come for a visit. My only concern is that he is an extremely fit and active fellow and I hope we provide him with enough physical stimuli. After showing them Heavenly Beverley on Sunday, we are planning a shortish tour of the Great Southern, stopping at Katanning and onto the Porongurups. We are staying at a chalet adjoining a vineyard with views of Bluff Knoll. My cunning plan involves booting Simon out the door to climb Bluff Knoll if he laments the need for hiking. The rest of us can adjourn to the winery next door...and wave at him.

The Porongurups have an amazing history. Before Pangea and Gondwana, sometime around the Precambrian period, landmasses that would become Antarctica and Australia collided with each other, pushing a reservoir of molten granite to the surface under great pressure. The granite then was contorted and folded over itself, creating the low range. Following this formation, the Porongurups were then weathered into their distinctive dome like shapes. I have actually never stayed there and am really looking forward to this trip. We hope Simon and Geraldine are reasonably satisfied with our choice of a pretty tiny part of WA.

I think this mini-holiday will be just what the Doctor Ordered. Delusions of grandeur need to be toned down. Bluff Knoll - not a chance. Gibraltar Rock - you have got to be kidding. Castle Rock - grade 4 up to grade 5 - hahahahahaha! I have been delighted to discover that there are a series of much easier walks designed for Old Crones such as myself. We should return filed with vim, vigour and vitality ready for the next onslaught.

Stay tuned for my next exciting installment!