Every now and then, whilst watching commercial television, I catch a glimpse of the latest plot twist to be explored via "Home and Away". The series, which premiered back in 1988, has covered a multitude of storylines over the years, from abortion through to kidnapping, brain aneurysm to incest, miscarriage to witness protection. The show has also enjoyed fame as the only drama production to be in the top ten most complained programme back in 2007. If spite of all these controversies, volatile ratings, location adjustments and character changes, "Home and Away" still graces the telly four nights a week. That's what I call a soap opera!
And in my own version of life imitating art, I have imagined a few meaty stories that should surely take off as episodes of the Continuing Adventures of the Beverley Hillbillies...So, in no particular order, here are some examples of the melodrama, the farce, the confounded and the pointless.
Terrible Telstra - consider these scenarios -
We live in Beverley, which is one hundred and thirty kilometres from Perth. We are regional, not remote. Yet, we are treated with utter contempt by this telco. We lose mobile signal on the edge of town, only picking up the signal again fifty-five kilometres from the city centre.
We endure appalling and insulting internet service. I have wasted countless hours just attempting to go online and stay online. We live in a world where cyberspace is used for so many tasks, yet our daily battles to use this tool that has been foisted upon us all is frustrating in the extreme.
Every time we access the mighty Telstra shop to solve our latest telecommunications disasters, we are left with a new set of issues. On our last visit, I discovered Telstra had not closed our defunct account when our new account was opened. The defunct account was receiving credit that was supposed to alleviate our misery. Those credits were not coming to us; there are floating somewhere in the World Wide Web.
We are encouraged to use online services, but only on our phones...I have given up trying to log onto My Telstra on the laptop, as my password can't be reinstated. Why? That's yet another mystery.
And do Telstra care? No? And what are our choices, given the Optus catastrophe. I have just googled reviews on Skymesh, the Australian satellite company and the responses were scathing. No go there.
I suspect an entirely satirical comedy series along the lines of "Utopia" would have more than enough material from Telstra debacles to last almost an eternity.
My other suggestion would be a feel good sitcom, featuring trouble shooting Telstra staff easing the burden of consumers just like us. What a pipedream...
Horrible Hospitals - definitely a drama soapie -
There would be no need to create a fictional setting as any number of existing hospitals could be used. Maybe the money saved could go towards patient services or staff development focusing on communicating effectively with patients and carers.
I can only speak of my personal experiences with the Mount Private Hospital (note the Private title) over the last few years. We pay for the priveleges of receiving stained and threadbare sheets and towels. along with thin and shabby coverlets. Cotton blankets from pre-op and theatre are not available on Karri ward, although I was assured a warming blanket cupboard was "coming". The airconditioning is not fit for purpose. The rooms have not been renovated and are now tired and scruffy. Cleaning is haphazard. The food and drink are patchy. There is no microwave in the patients pantry in spite of repeated written requests. Adverse reactions were not recorded in Michael's discharge information. Any concerns I voiced about his condition were dismissed or minimised. Some nursing staff were excellent and others were less competent.
These are whole hospital issues and I realise that they are not confined to just one health campus. Awful stories tumble out of other hospitals.
And for my troubles, the Consumer Liaison and Quality Coordinator has referred my complaints to the Executive Team, whoever they may be. This was after I contacted her to ask for acknowledgement of my email. She was surprised that I would request this confirmation...Could somebody please explain what has happened to common courtesy?
Nightmares of the NDIS and MyGov (including Centrelink and Medicare) -
What could be included in this scary series? Health breakdown, poverty, suicide, homelessness, negative stigma, alienation, misery, opaque and obtuse policies, fear of institutions and rage. All due to the ineffectiveness of these organisations, their contradictions, their horrendous forms, the never-ending wasted time and the destruction of our self esteem attempting to engage with these juggernauts.
We continue to joust with them, due to disability or chronic conditions that necessitate a pension or payment just to survive. We beg for information that may ease our burden. We research our options and pray for advocacy to unmuddy the waters. We suffer from continual mental exhaustion, yet we live in hope that we will be heard.
The Comedy of Ageing -
Why wasn't I prepared better for the hilarity, the ignominy, the frustration and the contradictions of becoming ag-ed?
That some days I am refreshed and other days bone tired. That a brisk walk leads to sore knees. That a heat pack has become one of my best friends. That I forget the location of my keys, purse, glasses. That I stand in the middle of the pantry wondering why I am there. That I am definitely suffering from LBL (light bladder leakage!).
The upside of becoming older is my sense of humour is quirky, irreverent, farcical and black. And getting crazier by the day.
I no longer worry about farting frequently and loudly. With some exceptions of course... Bodily functions are discussed openly between us to avoid embarrassment or misunderstandings. Drugs are inevitably dropped, forgotten, taken at the incorrect time or in an incorrect way, expired and always discovering that we do not have any further repeats. On a weekend or public holiday.
The washing and cleaning are ongoing sources of amusement. Once I was fastidious about leaving the kitchen clean, the bed made and the laundry up to date. I just thank the universe for my dishwasher so I don't have to look at dirty dishes. I currently have two baskets of folded clothes, a basket of ironing, a load on the line and a load waiting to be hung out.
I have just about given up hope of losing my excess weight. I am just concentrating on improving my fitness so my knees stop aching. And so when we go away, I am able to enjoy 4WD walking and fossicking to our hearts' content.
I would welcome any further suggestions for life's soap opera. Stay tuned for updates!
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