Heavenly Beverley : Kate and Michael Become Stick People!

Whilst sitting in the East End Gallery this afternoon, I hope to complete this post I have been trying to write for a week. My failure to launch this morning was profound. Having had my head annoyingly buzzing until the wee small hours, I had tried to relax by -

1. thinking about our itinerary for Queensland's epic road trip in July...

2. going to the toilet at least three times...

3. turning the fan on...

4. itching my foot on multiple occasions

5. scratching my nose inside my CPAP mask (that is quite the skill to master) -

instead of being sensible and reaching for one of my herbal concoctions that are meant to slow down my hyperactive brain.

Hence, I had no desire to leave the comfort of our bedupon daybreak, cocooned under the quilt rather like Ginger Meggs with Alannah MacTiernan hair. Absolutely the Glamorous Look.

However, the combination of attending to the washing, baking a cake for the Gallery, cleaning up Pip's overnight widdle and undertaking a Poop Patrol of our courtyard eventually galvanised me to stagger out of bed and pinch Michael's dressing gown. Mine is in the wash...

Plus, I have ben bursting to announce the most wonderful news for our household. A monumentally important arrival has finally graced our doorstep. We are now the proud parents of a Dyson V15 stick vacuum cleaner. I am almost overcome with emotion at the diligence and power of this fabulous new labour-saving device.

Initially filled with trepidation at this Space Age contraption, we have thrillingly worked out how to charge the battery, empty the bin and joyously, vacuum the floors without trailing a cord behind me. The battery lasts about forty-five minutes, which is enough to thoroughly remove all evidence of fur tumbleweeds, dirt patches and miscellaneous other spots of unidentified bits. I still have to discover how to successfully use the gazillion attachments that came with our unit and how to clean the various Heads.

I have endured rather a lot of past tragedies involving vacuum cleaners, some of them quite expensive catastrophes. I managed to disembowel an Electrolux, set fire to the internal bag of another, dropped, bashed and basically mistreated most vacuum cleaners I have ever owned. Having taken courage in hand and deciding to spend a Lot of Money on a new vacuum cleaner, there were crucial considerations to be contemplated.

Robot or Stick or Barrel? Cord or cordless? I was heavily leaning towards an iRobot Roomba when we enjoyed an impromptu morning tea with Michael's sister-in-law, her sister and a friend. They advised us to buy the top of the wozza Dyson Stick or the most expensive Stick we could afford. And, son Callum had been regaling me of the delights of his Dyson V8 for quite some time. One could be excused for believing he was referring to his vehicle, rather than an incredible cleaning gizmo.

Lured by a Special Deal including an extra battery, we parted with an eye watering amount of money for this hopefully long lived Domestic Goddess appliance. Then there are the other expenses that suddenly became vital as well. Michael returned to Audika after his hearing assessment to decide on hearing aids that would hopefully also reduce his tinnitus. That meant all entry level aids were not satisfactory. Naturally.

Although not as expensive as a car, the cost of his (almost but not quite) state of the art hearing augmentation still took our breath away. There are also the necessary additions for our Stick; two more Dyson filters which are still coming. Batman and Mister Elephant (my CPAP machine and his scaly mate) have ongoing requirements too from Fisher and Paykel. More "cushions" and another set of headwear set us back another three hundred.

Finally, Michael's old Samsung phone has been through the mill, is looking rather the worse for wear and reliably drops out with no warning whatsoever. His beloved Sony camera has been branded so ancient (not to us!) that the part needed to fix a fault isn't manufactured anymore, rendering all his lenses useless. Bollocks.

So, we are on the hunt for a new (and hopefully understandable) phone with a decent camera. Apparently the latest iPhone is able to talk to his hearing aids and has an excellent camera. Unfortunately, the iPhone does not have the Telstra 'blue tick' which supposedly means it will not perform as well in remote locations as a Samsung. But the Samsung won't communicate with his hearing aids and the camera doesn't get as good a review.. Attempting to talk to anybody from Telstra today about these issues failed miserably, with no answer on their general phone number and no response to the message I left. Give me strength...

My Insider Case Manger, Calvin, at Telstra will attempt to provide me with a direct line to the Telstra Hay Street store, which scored higher for customer service than any other Telstra store in the Big Smoke. If that fails, I shall contact the CEO. Again.

In the meantime, if someone out there has had good service from a Telstra shop in Perth, could you please let me know? I am not looking forward to another encounter with Telstra. We need a very long Techbar appointment so we can be talked to, rather than at, an idiot proof guide for the phone and patient understanding so Michael can actually use his phone, his contacts, his messaging and the camera after we leave the premises. I need to buy an additional Netgear hotspot to take on our travels. We are prepared to part with the sum of money necessary for all these devices and accessories as long as the service and explanation comes with the territory.

Stay tuned!