Recently, we were stuck in heavy traffic on the corner of Lord Street and Guildford Road in Bassendean, an eastern suburb of Perth. Looking out my passenger window, I was horrified by a seemingly random act of domestic violence...
Standing triumphantly upright was a supermarket trolley. Next to this dissolute and obviously aggressive individual was another supermarket trolley. However, this trolley was in a distraught upside-down position, obviously in a predicament of extreme disadvantage. I felt a surge of anger at this observation. How dare one supermarket trolley plan a cowardly attack on another defenseless trolley? I was speechless, for at least a second. We then drove on. I hoped that common sense would prevail and the injured party would be returned home to the busy nearby supermarket. As for its abuser, I didn't give a toss.
Which brings me to the menace of everyday devices that lurk in the background, pretending to be benign when they are seeking world domination. Take our dishwasher, for example. Because he is a cheap Italian Job, his name is Fabio and he frequently has hissy fits when he doesn't wish to operate for days or weeks. We have worked out that Fabio will not have any heavy items on his top shelf and will not fling the dishwashing tablet into the interior unless the way is completely unhindered. Added to this, I have to press the power button whilst his door is open and then close the door, whilst praying that when I press 'Start', Fabio will decide if he will begin the cycle. Or not. Occasionally, I have to walk away and wait for the highly anticipated 'Beep', which means Fabio is being cooperative. Give me strength!
Then, of course are those devices that cause me terror on a daily basis. I have left my newish phone out of this equation as I think I have mastered just about all I Want To Know, as opposed to what I Could Know. I am very selective about the functions I use. Calls, texts, Messenger, emails and Messages. Wordle and Spider Solitaire sometimes. I occasionally take photographs if I never wish them to leave my phone screen. I have unsuccessfully attempted to try one of those new fangled cords to move photos from my phone to my computer, but this task is not worth all the blood, sweat and tears. Plus, I absolutely adore my Nikon digital camera, which is relatively Kate-proof and has a handy SD card. I have no idea what the 'SD' means but at least I can move photographs into the Pictures file on my computer.
I am speaking, of course, of conniving computers and petrifying printers. These technological items can smell fear. Take this morning for example. I had turned on the computer and after Chop the cat walked over the keyboard, the computer refused to start as per usual. I had to use the old 'Control, Alt, Delete' for the computer to kick into action. Thankfully, as my anxiety levels were on the rise. On another famous occasion, I pressed 'Sleep' instead of 'Shut Down' and I think I had to ask some communication genius how to wake Sleeping Beauty from its obstinate slumber. As a result, I am hyper-vigilant to press the correct command so I don't have to endure that particular terror ever again.
And printers are a law unto themselves. Inevitably, I have issues with scanning, copying and even choosing the correct computer, as I have one at home and one at the Gallery. I am always surprised when I think I have chosen the correct printer, only to find the work being spat out on the other one when I change locations. Woe betide if I ever have to load a new printer onto Settings as that process brings its own exquisite dread.
There you have it. Once a Luddite, always a Luddite. Trying to phone the bank the other day, I could not speak to anyone without loading the App. And choosing a PIN, which of course I have promptly forgotten since then. I loathe Apps. When I have an issue, a challenge or a problem, I want to speak to a person. Not some electronic bimbo who has the vocabulary of a flea. Which is probably very unfair to fleas.
I live in hope of a mass world wide rebellion of people such as myself rising up in protest against all of these unhelpful Apps and demanding to speak to a human, not matter what. As well, I would like to see the back of all those virtual departments, where I have visions of giant bobbing heads drifting in cyberspace. Honestly, this is the pits.
Who is with me in this quest for a return to people actually being the first port of call, rather than a mindless App?!
The aforementioned abused trolley...
This is our dishwasher's secret identity...
With all the angst of a battle of wills...
I am so there! Who is with me?
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