Not The NDIS!

During the original Pink Panther movies, the unfortunate Inspector Dreyfus was gradually rendered insane by the repeated shenanigans of Inspector Clouseau. One of the closing scenes showed a giggling Dreyfus wearing a straitjacket rolling on the floor writing "Kill Clouseau" on the wall with his toes.

This week, I have almost been reduced to a similar fate by multiple dealings with the National Disability Insurance Agency, which administers the equally tongue-twisting National Disability Insurance Scheme. The NDIS was designed to cover the lifelong needs of all Australians with a disability. A noble idea that has often been underwhelming in delivery. Slow, tedious, confusing, inadequate have been some of the adjectives used to describe the scheme's rollout. As a cynical friend noted today, "somebody is making an awful lot of money out of the NDIS and it isn't people with disabilities"...

Terry Wilson, Alex's exceptional LAC through Disability Services, will be out of a job once all the plans are transferred to the NDIA. Naturally, a whole new structure had to be created rather than modifying what was already there, with staff who had, more or less, worked out what they were doing...

So, about ten days ago, with some trepidation, I set out for my meeting in the Big Smoke with Alex and Maria, our new Local Area Co-ordinator with Mission Australia. Rather amazingly, the meeting went without a hitch. Maria had previously been employed at Alex's former funding agency, so she had more than a smidgeon of knowledge about the system.

Within a week, Alex's plan had been approved. I was gobsmacked. This didn't equate to the shambolic organisation I had feared. Maybe, I was about to be pleasantly surprised.

Needless to say, smugness proved to be my downfall once more. Firstly, I began to receive a veritable forest of documentation. Alex's plan, with "i"s dotted and "t"s crossed, had been signed off by an unseen and unmet person within the juggernaut of the NDIA. I suspect that some of Centrelink's virtual heads may have been cloned to grace the corridors of the Agency, bobbing about in their own alternate universe.

Next, I received hard copy correspondence of my NDIS personal Activation Code. (This number will self-destruct in five minutes...) myplace was the quaintly titled and uncapitalised name of all accounts within the NDIA. All I was required to do was follow the instructions on the letter to launch my account. Three...two...one...blastoff!

Except the code didn't work. I tried the Activation Code with and without the Capital Letter at the beginning of the sequence. I added spaces, removed spaces, blew kisses and then swore loudly at the useless piece of information. I was reduced to calling the NDIA for assistance.

So far this week, I have spoken to four different NDIA call centre staff. The first was to a nice woman who tried the original Activation Code I'd been sent. Epic fail. She then issued me with a new Activation Code. Which failed. Then I spoke to a cheerful and efficient lass whom I'll call Agent 99. She tried both the previous Activation Codes to confirm they didn't activate anything. Then we both crossed our fingers whilst she created another Code. Which actually activated my account. Eureka!

Today, I have spoken to the NDIA on two further occasions. The first phonecall was for editing purposes. In the very helpful "personal details" section, I tried to edit my preferences to receive all correspondence by SMS to reduce paper wastage. This morning, I had received three separate letters with three different Activation Codes. Plus, after I had entered to receive notifications by email, a helpful little question mark popped up to inform me that SMS was the NDIA's preferred method and I may not receive all information any other way...Bollocks.

Thus, I tried to edit my details. Repeatedly. myplace blew raspberries and refused to change. Back on the phone. Telstra then tossed me off. Another call. This time, I was connected after a few minutes on hold. This latest operative was enthusiastic, if not entirely helpful. "Sometimes you can't change your personal details on myplace" was her response to my query. So, I apparently couldn't alter my own record. She offered to revise the method of my notifications to SMS. "Be up on your account as soon as I hit the Submit button", she assured me.

Wrong...

After several hours of waiting to view my newly updated contact details, I rang the NDIA again. This time, the polite call centre receiver didn't recognise my personal reference number and had to identify me by Other Means. Once again, I explained the changes I wished to make. She didn't know why I couldn't edit my details either. Five minutes into our conversation, she dropped a pearl of wisdom. "Sometimes, changes can take up to twenty-four hours to take effect". All was finally revealed!

The NDIS website (part of the infamous MyGov package) is not user-friendly. Rather, the website regards users as the enemy. Previously, the gong for the most unhelpful website had been Centrelink's honour. Now the baton has been passed. The NDIS pages are frustrating, contradictory and woeful. The survey that one is invited to complete at the end of each phone conversation does not ask the right questions to give an accurate review of NDIA's service.

I must admit that a slight twinge of sarcasm entered my vocal tone by the end of the fourth conversation. And as I had my phone on speaker mode, Michael, Jan and I broke into peals of giggles the second I hung up.

Either that or I may have had to be restrained in a straitjacket. Pass the vino.