But I must admit having one last swipe at the conservatives was just too tempting. This morning, Vanessa asked me to give her a crash course in the Federal candidates standing in the seat of Pearce (which includes Beverley), as she will be giving out how to vote information for Labor alongside me at next weekend's elections. In the spirit of election handouts and a stroke of absolute genius, Vanessa then sewed up a fee for her civic and ironing services next week to add to her holiday fund.
In a broad and sweeping statement about those within the two major parties and those who vote for them, I pronounced that Labor supporters tend to be more intellectual and that Conservative voters tend to be d@#*heads, which was probably a bit over the top, even for me. Later, I heard a far better assessment. Labor is known for spending money on public infrastructure projects, whereas the Libs like hanging onto the stuff for themselves.
And then I had a very interesting conversation with a Beverley local this morning. He has had dealings with Christian Porter (our Liberal member and currently Attorney-General) and also found him as useful as tits on a bull. However, he has swallowed, lock, stock and barrel, the Liberal Party's scare campaign. Which means he will vote for the incumbent because he is frightened of any alternative. Not a great use of logic, if you ask me.
In my quest for lightening the mood, I would like to suggest a more appropriate image of Mister Porter than graces his present photo on his election billboards. Instead of his open-necked shirt persona with a casual half smile, Christian could change his appearance and appeal to the masses with a different outfit. A fetching Viking frock with operatic head-horns and a curling moustache (Dick Dastardly style) could soften his autocratic countenance. And in recognition of his less than brilliant interactions with some of his constituents, he could also hold up a sign stating, quite simply, "Dick".
A humble man, in touch with his failings, may help Mister Porter's chances in retaining his seat. Personally, I hope he gets taken out on a landslide. Whatever the outcome, I intend to vote with knowledge and reasoning. I certainly will not be voting out of fear. And in the event of Mister Porter's good fortune for himself and the conservatives, I will not behave any differently towards him or any other pollie. I will treat them all with a good dash of cynicism and enjoy taking the mickey out of the lot of them.
It's always about the money...
Mr Porter - current (Liberal) member for Pearce...
Ms Travers - Labor candidate for Pearce
Perhaps Mister Porter could summon a comically dastardly persona...
Or appeal to the more cultured types
Or consider a change of Christian name...
Whilst remembering this simple advice for all.
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