Heavenly Beverley : A Sorry Tale of An(other) Epic Fail

I must admit that I have been a tad worried about my blog's statistics this month. My usual numbers would have me at a thousand views by the middle of each month. Suddenly, those figures have halved...I am not concerned about any failure to emulate Famous Sharron, rather that I have become unfunny and routine.

Disaster!

So, I have been waiting for inspiration to produce a witty and winning repartee. Yesterday, I began a sadly turgid and boring view of the day that rapidly ran out of steam. The post was turning into a tiresome whinge, so I abandoned writing for the duration, hoping that the elusive light bulb in my scrambled wits would switch on again.

Today did not start well. My dreams were filled with weird people gatecrashing into a house that was obviously not mine, as the wall colours were particularly putrid shades of pastels. So, along with trying to evict these imaginary intruders, I was horrified by the choice of decor. I couldn't wake up soon enough.

Staggering out of bed to assault a cup of tea, I resolved to get my act together. So, naturally, I decided to embark on several tasks at once, including cooking an untried dish out of my newly beloved "The 8-Week Blood Sugar Recipe Book".

This book has become my bible. After the Diabetic Boom was lowered on Michael at the end of October, I have been seeking new and inventive ways of filling Michael's stomach that also assist him to lose weight. If Doctor Michael Mosley (the skinny medical guru from the BBC) can reverse his diabetes through these recipes, then I was filled with zeal to succeed in this quest too.

And until this morning, I had only tasted triumph - literally and figuratively! Smugness had crept into my psyche and the universe saw...My fate was sealed.

Whilst unpacking the dishwasher, drinking tea and sorting out our dinner, I was emboldened to try "Almond Pancakes with Cherries". I had the berry coulis down pat. Hell, what could be so hard about flipping pancakes? I was raring to go.

I also happen to be one of the most uncoordinated people on the planet. I have enough trouble turning pikelets, which are thicker and smaller. My success rate is about fifty percent. As I mixed the runny pancake batter together, I was filled with sudden dread. Pancakes were about to become my Nemesis.

I pushed on, like Scott of the Antartic. Pouring the batter into my uber reliable non-stick pan was terrifying. The stuff ran everywhere to form a thin film. Oh, my giddy aunt...I swallowed hard and tried to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

Alas, this was not to be. My first pancake resembled a messy and deconstructed omelette. I ate the evidence whilst I tried pouring a smaller circle of batter. This one, for Michael, was hardly better, but I figured I could hide it if I produced a half-decent effort for over the top.

A careful third pour. I waited for the pancake to bubble enough for the three witches of Macbeth to take notice. I gingerly slid my frypan slice under this pancake. I thought I had pulled off a miracle! Unfortunately not. Midway through the flip, half the pancake stuck to the non-stick pan, which duly tore the bloody thing apart. I quickly completed the flip of the first half and then the second half, poking the jagged edges together, hoping to resurrect the shape.

A circle, it was not...

Accepting defeat, I loaded the surreally gigantic amoeba pancake onto Michael's plate. I had achieved a small success. I managed to cover the less than gorgeous effort underneath and dotted the berry coulis and cream theatrically across the pancake's circumference. Presenting him with his breakfast, Michael declared that the pancakes were magnificent. I'm sure he was off with the fairies.

I must admit they did taste quite delicious. The berry coulis was fantastic with very few calories, and we felt like naughty children having cream at breakfast.

Will I ever attempt pancakes again? Absolutely not. Unless I suffer from another bout of delusions of grandeur...

Stay tuned.