These are very interesting times. Becoming even more so by the day...If the pandemic isn't enough to keep us on our toes, then we have the ludicrous spat between corporations like Google and Facebook and the government of Oz fighting over how our news is delivered and the cost of its deliverance. What does all this mean for the average punter? Maybe there will be a resurgence of print media; an opportunity for actually independent hard copy news to make a reappearance and fight the might of the tabloids. We need balanced alternatives to the biased coverage of some papers, which have become grubby and substandard.
In the spirit of providing topical and hard-hitting reporting, here is the Breaking News from Heavenly Beverley...
LOCAL HERO STOPS INVASION!
Beverley resident, Mister Michael Sofoulis, horrified by the advancing hordes of meat ants situated between the lemon tree and water meter, decided on a spirited solution to eradicate these dangerous fiends. Tired of being bitten on the big toe whilst navigating the ant super-highway. Michael's brave response involved the novel use of acetylene gas, a whiff of oxygen and his trusty flint.
Clad in the best safety footwear (thongs), decidedly holey workshirt and aerated jeans, Michael set up his equipment and stealthily approached the enemy camp entries. Allowing the acetylene to venture into the deep recesses of their underground lair, Michael cunningly added just enough oxygen for the purpose of complete demolition.
Lighting up his handy welding jet, Michael then turned his wrath to the peace-wrecking intruders. Down the hole with the flame produced some pleasing noises, akin to the explosion of firecrackers, we watched with glee at the pyrotechnic show.
A minor snag - Michael forgetting the welding handle might become a tad hot - resulted in a brief adjournment whilst he utilised the assistance of the nearest cold tap.
Due to the rock-hard nature of the ground, Michael also employed his hardy drill and sizable drill bit to enable further excavation of the hostile forces' headquarters. This reporter, viewing from a seated and safe distance involving a plastic chair, a milk crate for my feet and a glass of vino, was able to appreciate the noble perseverance of Mister Sofoulis, in his quest to rid the property of these unwelcome six-legged thugs.
A few refugees wandered about in confusion at the conclusion of the operation and this investigative journalist was able to report that the remaining survivors had fled the scene of the crime by the following morning.
REPEATED INTERVENTION BY EXTRAORDINARILY DEVOTED DOG TO REMOVE RISKY SAFETY GEAR!
Miss Stella Sofoulis, canine bitch of 6 Anzac Lane Beverley, has shown true courage above and beyond the call of duty. Over the last eighteen months or so, Stella has attempted, on four occasions, to neutralise the threat of inadequate safety equipment. Distressed by the repeated failings of her hapless human, Mister Michael Sofoulis, to dispose of this potentially injury-inducing footwear, Stella has had no other option but to take decisive action.
Eat Michael's thongs...
So far, she has been disappointed in her quest to dissuade Michael from the Wrong Choices. Of course, she has had to wait for opportunities to carry our her clandestine operations, due to this reporter's uncanny insistence on placing them out of her reach. Hence, part of her cunning plan has been to watch for signs that she will be able to spring into action. Usually, the sequence of favoured events will begin with our reporter toddling off to bed whilst Michael watches inane rubbish on the idiot box. Add to the mix a few glasses of vino and the scene is set...
Upon Michael's retiring for the night, he has been known to leave the less than satisfactory safety gear unguarded. This is the signal for Stella's chance to Protect the Dumb and Defenceless bloke once again. Out of her undying unselfishness, she seizes the target and proceeds to immobilise its lethal intent.
Unfortunately, Michael has been a tad slow on the uptake and has yet to recognise her valiant efforts to protect him. In total disregard for her ongoing endeavours to save him from himself, Michael has wantonly replaced the offending articles time after time...after time...after time.
When will he ever learn Stella is only dismantling his thongs out of the goodness of her heart?
Signing off from Heavenly Beverley, stay tuned for the next riveting bulletin from Yours Truly.
From Heavenly Beverley...
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