Heavenly Beverley : Kate's Coronavirus Chronicles - When Does Hairy Become Hirsute?

The Coronavirus pandemic is revealing more (novel) first world problems. Take standard visits to the dentist, the cafe, the podiatrist, my favourite fruit and veg emporium or the hairdresser.

The good news about Vincent our dentist is that although he cancelled my appointment for the beginning of May, he is now allowed to do some procedures. That means my scale and clean should happen in the Fullness of Time. The bad news is that Michael's latest additional crown (hasn't His Majesty enough already?) is not on the horizon at present. Oh, and we can't afford a crown at this point anyway...

After a long and much-anticipated renovation, the Dome cafe in Northam finally opened earlier in 2020. We were amongst the first of the cafe's most enthusiastic visitors. Alas, like so many other enjoyable coffee houses, Dome has shut its doors until further notice. We live in hope.

Having had appointments with Laura, our podiatrist cancelled at the end of March, we have struggled to maintain care of our feet and toenails. This has been particularly problematic for Michael, who has weirdly shaped sucker toes, a butchered big toenail (courtesy of an axe) and needs to watch his feet on a daily basis due to his diabetes. An additional challenge for him is bending over, often most unpleasant due to his problematic reflux. We have rebooked with Laura at the beginning of May. A distinct side effect of aging is being in love with our podiatrist.

Hills Fresh has been part of my agenda since I discovered its existence. The shop resembles a crowded farmers' market with quality fruit and vegetables, speciality gourmet items and a plethora of other wonderful ingredients. The aisles are narrow at the best of times and negotiating tight spaces and practising social distancing is a challenge. Until yesterday, I have been unable to frequent Hills Fresh for weeks. Now armed with my G2G pass in order to travel between the Wheatbelt and Perth, I was delightedly able to enter my favourite foodie establishment to restock the fridge.

Hairdresser to the Stars, Beverley's own Kerryanne, was completely stymied by the edicts in the early days. At least, she can now resume hairdressing in all its forms. She is scrupulously careful, wearing a facemask when she is conducting a cut. She has had to juggle clients so that only one person is in her salon at any time. She is facing a backlog of appointments from six weeks ago and is so grateful to all of us who have stuck with her.

On Wednesday, she removed the best part of a sheep's fleece from my head, reducing the weight of my hair to almost non-existent. Next week, I am going to have a Magical Mystical Tour of a New Colour with Kerryanne. I am bored with red, however, I am not ready for the whole pepper and salt look, which in my opinion, looks like rusty barbed wire. So she and I will be exploring my options and coming up with a reasonable alternative. And if I hate the results, home insolation may just have to be extended. Stay tuned...

Michael has also been suffering from excessive hairiness but mostly on his face. He has long complained about the unfairness of the receding hairline and thinning patches. Almost in defiance of losing hair in one area, he has gained spectacular growth elsewhere, including his ears and eyebrows. He had long past the facade of Eccentric Artist and had morphed into the Wild Man from Borneo, Cousin It and Scooby-doo all at once.

In the absence of anybody else, I took to Michael's face in great trepidation. The beard trimming went quite smoothly with only a few minor hiccups. Once I'd started on trimming his moustache, I screamed to a halt due to a totally unexpected sight. I'd uncovered his top lip. Wisely deciding not to proceed further, I left the remainder of his moustache to him. He completed this task admirably and then shaved to finish the process.

I was suddenly in the orbit of a Gorgeously Groomed New Man. All resemblance to a travelling hobo had been erased. Now I just have to persuade him to continue with this regime...

We shall see.