What's In A Name...?

The timing of Australian public holidays usually fills me with much merriment. Take WA Day, for example, which is held at the beginning of June. This is our only winter public holiday and has no relevance to the discovery of the Swan River, the founding of Perth, the declaration of the state of Western Australia or the Federation of the nation. WA Day used to be called the Queen's Birthday, who actually has that anniversary in April. I think somebody may have made a prize cock of themselves for designating WA Day in what is traditionally cool and rainy weather.

Anyway, I have digressed. Today is Australia Day or Invasion Day or Survival Day, depending on your point of view.  On 18 January 1788, Captain Arthur Phillip and his mob of convicts and soldiers set foot on the shore of  Botany Bay, which Joseph Banks (Sir to the riff-raff) had declared to be a fabulous spot to start the colony. Except there was no safe anchorage, no reliable water and no suitable soil. Our hero took one look, decided Banks was another prize cock and set off for Port Jackson, which somehow Captain Cook and the Endeavour had missed entirely back in 1770. He entered the harbour, dropped anchor and promptly founded Sydney. On 26 January 1788.

The local aborigines, who had been resident for an extremely long time, hoped these white weirdos would pack up and push off. Alas for them, they were shafted left, right and centre and the ramifications of the Pommy landgrab are still being felt over two hundred years later.

"Girt" the gloriously unauthorised history of Australia and "Dark Emu", which chronicles the Aborigines' agricultural and other land practices should be read by every Australian school child to get a far more balanced view than the boring and dreary muck packaged up as Australian history. I am currently ploughing my way through "Dark Emu", so I'll wait until I've finished before giving my summation and review.

To say we enjoyed "Girt" would do author David Hunt a disservice. We read the book as part of our Northern Jaunt last July and were frequently helpless with laughter and at the mercy of one of the funniest and most informative books that we have had the good fortune to have and to hold.

Not that our narrator painted a rose-coloured account for us. Convicts, the military and free settlers were all scoundrels, with plenty of drunkenness, debauchery and demolition all happening on a frequent basis. Burning down a rival's home was the first call rather than the last straw. Murder, stealing, bribery and corruption were all rife. The first settlers nearly died through agricultural incompetence and instead of asking the locals how to grow some tucker, the Poms ignored any hint of Aboriginal land management and set out buggering up the country for the next couple of hundred years.

Back to Australia Day. Or whatever else it's called. Right smack in the middle of summer and just before the kiddies return to the classroom, an extra day off means the beach or a barbeque or a citizenship ceremony. Here in Heavenly Beverley, the local pool offered a sausage sizzle, raucous music and a bombie competition. Our great friend and wrestling world champion, Mister Greg Burley, did not disgrace himself and was placed second in the competition. Jan was delighted to have scored a pull along trolley for her craft supplies as their prize.

Australia will be the topic of conversation in Country Expressions (our Writers' Group) later this afternoon. This session promises, as ever, to be exceedingly entertaining.

And I ask, what is more Australian than leaving my homework until ninety minutes before it's due? I rest my case.

David Wenham as a far sexier Aurthur Phillip than he actually was...