The more I consider this concept of avoiding conflict in familiar gatherings, the more I agree with Mark Twain's take on things. And of course, being careful to engage one's brain before putting mouth into gear was probably easier in the Good Old Days before the World Wide Web.
Back in the Dark Ages, people enjoyed conversation, often in groups, which encouraged listening to each other's points of view. This activity was undertaken in pubs, homes, family outings, birthday and other celebrations and during religious and other holidays. Then there were informal chats waiting for school pick-up or with other parents at Playgroup or kindy when there were always two Helpers, usually Mums.
Hogging the telephone was often only achieved by teenage members of a household - a mobile phone involved winding out the extension cord on the landline into one's bedroom until Dad or Mum bellowed to get off the phone NOW and come to the dinner table.
Prior to the telephone, letter writing was a great consumer of time and effort. My mother wrote me a postcard every day when she and Dad went to Europe for three months when I was ten. This form of correspondence, now quaintly called hard copy, had to be written, then addressed and stamped and then posted through the letterbox slot. This was a far slower method of expression which allowed ample time to check thoughts and feelings.
Therein lies a devilish problem. An e-mail or other online communication can be sent immediately. I am particularly guilty of this when I use the dreaded Messenger. I inevitably hit the send gizmo when I just want to capitalise the next word. Which then involves a long explanation of why I sent what I sent. E-mails can end up being sent to the Wrong Person, the Wrong Company or the Wrong Department.
And nobody proofreads anymore. Due to my Dad being a wordsmith, he taught me to love language at a very early age and was a stickler for spelling and grammar. Which is why I am woeful at texting as I refuse to abbreviate. In particular, the media are a total disgrace. Not only is most of the so-called news utter bollocks, but they can't spell for quids. Give me strength!
Once again I have digressed. Let's get back to Mark Twain, religion, politics, polite company and monkeys.
Everybody is entitled to their own emotions, beliefs, values and other thoughts. However, in this age of immediacy, now, more than ever, we should guard our mouths and our fingers on the keyboard. This is called respect for others and I see precious little of this in our daily lives.
Recently, my autistic superstar Alex and I had a disagreement over some posts he had placed on Facebook. I found some of these opinions a tad hard to swallow. So, I told him so and this led to a fairly tense stand-off between us. Fortunately, one of our artists is an absolutely fabulous and exceedingly level-headed bloke and we had a conversation over my concerns.
Mister Sensible pointed out that he has a bunch of loony relatives who espouse various crazy notions. He figured that to allow them that privilege meant that they all remained a friendly extended family unit. And just because he didn't agree with their views didn't mean he had to argue with them. Or come to blows like Great-Aunt Nora and Cousin Cedric.
Alex, just like everybody else, is allowed to have his own thoughts. However, all I ask him and the rest of the world, including myself, is to check the situation before launching a viewpoint into the public sphere. Is this post going to upset or offend my family or my friends? Who might the post affect? Is that occurs, what am I going to do? How could I make amends? What must I think about before I press "ENTER"?
I have been made aware that there has been an episode within the family that caused grief and hurt. The situation has been salvaged, but that is not the point. This reaction is precisely why sensitive topics need to be weighed carefully before aired in the openness of cyberspace. Do I really need to only talk about me and my views? What about listening to others? What about having a conversation concentrating on shared ideas or feelings or post a compliment to somebody else on Facebook?
Being part of a tribe, either of family or friends or online, or a mixture of all three is a wonderful experience. We can learn and share and chat and examine. On Facebook, we can Follow an artist or musician or writer or actor. We can laugh at ridiculous situations or comic episodes. We can enjoy each other's company through the Internet or in person.
Just let's carry out our relationships with respect. That way, we may avoid becoming monkeys.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, otherwise known as Mark Twain, was responsible for a series of memorable quotes...
No...not this one...
Or this...
This is the quote, which will probably offend monkeys...
Other Mark Twain gems -
In the olden days, we wrote letters...
Or talked on the landline...
Family gatherings can be tricky affairs...
Meant to be enjoyed! So remember...
And show...
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