Heavenly Beverley : Blinded By The (Complete Absence) Of Light

Manfred Mann's "Blinded By The Light" is an absolute classic of Prog Rock. Highly suspect lyrics that are about as clear as mud, music that roars psychedelic (man), the hair, the clothes, the hats, the glasses.

Perhaps "Blinded By The Light", or the lack of it could become the new anthem for Centrelink. The ancient Muzak that Centrelink plays whilst on hold is excruciatingly boring, frustrating and depressing. Particularly when listening to these woe-inducing pieces over and over again during my latest ninety minutes of aural agony.

Waiting for a Robo Debt letter is rather like waiting for a very painful dental procedure. One knows that sooner or later, one will receive notification of this dreaded event. It's only a matter of time. Rather like the Queen Mother who stoutly declared that she could look the East End in the face after Buckingham Palace was bombed, I now feel a sense of belonging with everyone else who has received such correspondence.

The debt, that Centrelink claims we owe, is a relatively modest figure compared with the financial torment endured by other poor bastards. Apparently, over almost five years, "The correct amount of your combined Real Estate income...was not taken into account with the payments made to you". Centrelink also states that between 1 July 2013 and 12 January 2017, Michael was overpaid by $1473.43 and I was overpaid by $1281.70, a total of $2755.13. Which Centrelink wants back by 4 July. This year.

Having been reduced to tears by my last memorable visit to a Centrelink office to lodge our tax returns for 2015/2016, I made the decision that I could not deal with them directly ever again. Hence, I made an appointment to handball the situation to Ryan, our Accountant to the Stars. Which I duly attended yesterday.

Ryan stared at the letters with a considerable amount of disbelief. He noted several issues - the lack of any information that he could cross-check, the time frame of the episode and his inability to be able to assist us without dates and figures. His summation of the Robo Debt letters was their total lack of transparency. He was appalled that Centrelink could issue such letters with no supporting documentation. He gave me the letters back and noted sagely, "They need to do better than this".

And so I was doomed to listen to the awful music once more whilst waiting for a Centrelink officer to answer my call.

Strike one. The phone number at the top of the letter which would direct me to "Us" was a fizzer, due to the fact I couldn't remember my PIN. Every time I told that supposedly soothing voice I didn't have a PIN, "she" would reply "I'm sorry. That doesn't match our records..."

I gave up and rang the Complaints line. After the usual hour and a half wait, I was connected to "Lisa" (I think). Centrelink are obviously training their staff in guerilla warfare. She did not have a gram of empathy in her body. Yes, I was fluttered. Yes, Centrelink brings out the village idiot within. Yes, my anxiety levels were through the roof.

She was all business. The information that Centrelink had used was based on information from the ATO. Yet, she was unable to answer why Centrelink claimed to have data up until 12 January 2017 when we have not entered a tax return since 2015/2016..."You'll have to take that up with the ATO".

At last, some clues I could give Ryan. And blow me down, she also agreed that Ryan could contact Centrelink on our behalf if he identified himself and gave a password. A reprieve of sorts for us.

Of course, this problem isn't going away. We still have the guillotine hanging above our necks. The onus is on us to prove ourselves innocent of any financial wrongdoing, according to Centrelink. And satisfying them is like praying to the universe whilst crossing a minefield.

After sending Ryan an e-mail with The Letters, I fled into our garden courtyard. We are in the process of moving all our pots and windchimes and nicknacks into our private little paradise. The feel of soil between my fingers, the joy of re-potting and trimming our neglected plants and bringing some of our treasured garden ornaments back into our line of sight was the epitome of joy. I forgot everything else whilst my soul was renewed and nurtured.

I wonder what Centrelink staff do for fun.