Heavenly Beverley : Computer Conniptions and Phone Farce

Back in the Time of the Dinosaurs, we cautiously explored the new and scary contraptions of computers and mobile phones. Computers were the toast of technology, and like the Six Million Dollar Man, were supposed to be faster and better than other forms of communication, such as fax machines (what the hell are faxes, I hear the Millenials querying?).

As for phones, original mobiles were the size and shape of large house bricks and bore a striking resemblance to Maxwell Smart's shoe phone. They were heavy, unreliable and needed a PhD to operate. I easily resisted the acquisition of a mobile until they could fit in my pocket.

The Internet was a mystery creature, the computer tower an unwieldy box of gargantuan proportions and the monitor a square, squat version of a Rubik's Cube, as big as a portable television,but with a tiny screen.

My first computer took up the entirety of a large desk once I'd added the printer. In spite of the hype, using the computer was longer and slower and usually was accompanied by much gnashing of teeth. Documents would vanish in front of my eyes, sending e-mail was tortuous and receiving one e-mail could take hours. Literally. If the computer deemed the document too large, it would proceed to have a hissy fit, which would then involve one piece of communication being split into more. Sending photographs was diabolical, as they needed to be shrunk to ridiculously small sizes. Even searching the World Wide Web was not, for the most part, pleasurable. Innocent enquiries would veer off into weird and often pornographic sites. Then of course, there was the constant lurking terror that the computer would freeze, crash or simply shut down for no apparent reason.

Slowly, I become more comfortable with the arrangement of tower, monitor, mouse and printer. We developed a relationship built on mutual respect and less animosity. I began to get the hang of most of the software I needed to use and was brave enough to learn about Virus Protection, Disc Checking and Defragmentation. A giant leap for Kate.

Then I received my first laptop in 2007 as a gift. I was so frightened of the unknown that I didn't take it out of its case for months. Baby steps again. Eventually, I summoned courage and opened its gaping jaws. Fear was replaced by wonderment. I had become just savvy enough to recognise that the laptop was a step up in the world and I began to enjoy its refinements. My Certificate IV Teacher Assistant (Special Needs) was a testament to my perseverance, as well as the usual tears of frustration.

Fast forward to meeting Michael and rediscovering the appeal of writing. On our first trip to the Goldfields, I kept a journal of our travels. These entries became more and more wordy and I began adding humour to my posts. I realised that "the funny side" was just as important as any other facet of my writing. Indeed, amusement was a welcome circuit breaker in my more serious posts. If I laughed, hopefully others would too.

A brand spanking new laptop since April 2014 has been one of my best buddies. In July of that year, "Heavenly Beverley" was born. My beloved older son and his divine wife-to-be set up my blog. According to them, I was using Facebook as a blog instead of a swift communication device. Their kind and patient explanation went straight over my head. I was just delighted to have another means of expressing myself through the Internet.

My current laptop is still my favourite device for remote communication. Hoping to join the movers and shakers, Michael and I became the somewhat dubious parents of two smartphones over a year ago. Whilst I have become reasonably used to my phone, I still have a revered and slightly uncomfortable relationship with it.

As for Michael, his smartphone has been more problematic. Even swift swiping of the recalcitrant screen does not always guarantee his successful connection with an incoming caller. Which usually causes a string of expletives to escape loudly and succinctly. I am currently suggesting that he return to a more basic phone before his self-esteem is damaged by an electronic gadget the size of a small diary.

Younger generations squirm at our difficulties. They have the advantage of being born into the Age of the Internet. We did not. We battle on as best we can.

And, unlike some of the Millenials, most Old Fogies can still hold a reasonable conversation without the addition of any form of technology.