Heavenly Beverley : Bureaucracy versus Reality or Bollocks versus Labour

Bureaucracy - "excessively complicated administrative procedure"

Reality - "the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them"

Bollocks - "nonsense; rubbish"

Labour - "blood, sweat and tears; hard work; work ethic".

We have had another week of utterly surreal dealings with the powers that be. The huge administrative departments that may be official government agencies. Or the organisations just waffling just outside the perimeter of "Yes Minister", who long to join the hallowed sanctums of weasel words and gobbledegook.

Seven months after our house was wired, we were fortunate enough to be connected to a Green Dome and join the electricity grid. That was two weeks ago. Western Power, our fearless electricity entity, was supposed to Right a Wrong that had existed for decades. They were given the task of moving a power line from just above our roof to a safer and higher location. The workshop behind us needed a new power pole and line not running just above our roof. Simple?

Western Power's design leaders relied on Google Earth to make on-the-ground decisions. Not one of those who drew up our plans set foot on our site. Which is why when the actual workers turned up, they realised that the design team's preferred location of the power pole was a crock of shit. And nobody actually knew exactly the location of the workshop's fuel tanks. The entirely realistic potential for BOOM caused the installers to say "Fuck this! We are out of here".

Finally, last Sunday (on double time), the boys were back. In 39 degree heat, the power pole installers planted the biggest, fattest, most solid power pole I have ever seen. This fiasco could have been avoided if the bureaucrats in their air-conditioned offices actually sent a reconnaissance team to view the site BEFORE plans were drawn.

On Monday, we were lucky enough to engage in a fifty-two-minute phonecall with the Water Corporation. We were enquiring about three accounts for our two properties - the Forbes Building and our house - when we currently only have one water meter. Plus, we wanted to register for our pensioner discount on our domestic supply. After a brain-exploding conversation with our first port of call, she abandoned us on the line and sent us through to Technical Support. With. No. Warning.

Our next heroine took great pains to explain our situation. Basically, if we have three toilets between the two buildings, we will be charged a set extortionate service fee whether we use all the loos or not. The same system works with sewerage. This is the reason people blow up toilets...

Today, I tried, for the third time, to register with DOT (Department of Transport) Direct so I could keep track of our licences and car registrations. After another three unsuccessful attempts, I was "locked out" of DOT Direct for an hour. I rang the phone line and proceeded to wait in the queue for half an hour. With the help of a guardian angel named David, I successfully negotiated the DOT Direct registration and I am now signed up for online service.

Except, I feel like a dill. I use the internet every day of my life. I do not consider myself to be unintelligent. Yet government websites, such as DOT and Department of Human Services are horrendously difficult to navigate. And for those who are elderly, disadvantaged or disabled, the online world is almost impossible to operate.

Yet, we put up with this situation. Bureaucracy is bulging, but I can't for the life of me consider them "user-friendly". These government and quasi-government enclaves and their websites appear to deliberately bamboozle, annoy or upset those attempting to access assistance. And provide precious little help whatsoever.

We need to expect more from these bureaucracies. We need to ask questions until we get answers. We need to ask to speak to the supervisor of the poor sap in the call centre. We need to hold them to timelines. We need to contact them frequently or we are forgotten. We need to demand better service, more accountability and less red tape.

Thus endeth today's lesson.

Meanwhile, in the Bowels of Power...