Heavenly Beverley : Comedy and Catastrophe @ Centrelink (Yet Again)

My gorgeous friend, Brenda, rang me today from the Big Smoke. We go way back, to a time we both had young autistic children. Brenda really hit the jackpot - she ended up with three marvellously quirky and utterly individualistic children all on the autism spectrum. I only had to contend with two of them.

As a result, Brenda and I share a sense of humour immediately understood by each other, which anybody else may regard as offbeat, unusual or downright loopy. At times, we have been hysterical with laughter as the only other choice was to break down in a puddle of grief. However, we never associated our children with this sadness. Despair was always the result of dealing with the insanity of agencies such as Centrelink and Disability Services Commission. The NDIA now appears to be having a decent shot at policy malfunction and issues of service provision and financial management as well.

Whilst the Asylum in Canberra huffs and puffs about "dole bludgers", "welfare cheats", "leaners and lifters", beating their chests in an aggressive way as possible to show power and control, they have absolutely no idea of what is actually happening in the real world. Within the agencies that are meant to follow their blanket stupidity.

Back to the phone call with Brenda. We were almost paralytic with laughter at the end of a long and entertaining conversation. About our old buddy and adversary Centrelink. Poor bastards - they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. And the staff are generally not at fault. They are at the mercy of their political slumlords and caught between their masters and the poor beleaguered public.

Here is the delicious scenario. All people with disabilities are assigned to a Disability Job Agency if they are assessed as being able to work. This capacity to work is assessed through a Job Capacity Assessment, which is administered by a Centrelink psychologist, who may or may not have any knowledge of their clients' conditions.

Keeping up? Then, if a disabled person, for example, Brenda's daughter works for an employer for five months and twenty-nine days and resigns, she does not need another Job Capacity Assessment before she applies for a different job. However, if she works over six months (which she did), she is required to undergo another Job Capacity Assessment before she can work again.

Now Job Capacity Assessments are not pleasant, but at least we used to be able to request appointments for these mental ordeals at a time of our choosing. Not anymore!

Clients and their carers can no longer book appointments for Job Capacity Assessments. Centrelink staff can no longer request specific days and times for these appointments. Apparently, Centrelink staff now need to check their screens, willing a vacancy to magically appear for a free Job Capacity Assessment space for their clients. And then, book their clients in before other staffers fill those rare, precious time slots.This is akin to playing wargames with other Centrelink operatives.

Who is responsible for this anarchy? Given the lack of information and consultation, I would have to guess that these changes have come from Higher Up.Social Services Minister Christian Porter and his partner in crime, Human Services Minister, Alan Tudge. There is a strong odour of Efficiency At All Costs, even if the result is a total disaster. Which it is.

So, along with drug testing Newstart recipients, keeping the same clients living seriously below the poverty line, tormenting Disability Support Pension holders with the Robodebt witch hunt and now taking aim at Aged Pensioners, Centrelink has had the Job Capacity Assessment process reduced to a demolition derby. Now staffers have a surreal and bizarre experience of having to book assessments as spots become available. Beautiful.

Brenda is a patient woman. She has waited for five months to secure that rare jewel - a Job Capacity Assessment for her daughter. And imagine her joy when her son left TAFE and needed a Job Capacity Assessment too.

Out of the blue, two vacant Job Capacity Assessment spots became available. Brenda was jubilant. By the time her Centrelink officer had entered information, one spot had already been taken. By Somebody Else. Brenda is built of sterner stuff. She proposed to bring BOTH her children to ONE Job Capacity Assessment appointment. This outrageous suggestion nearly caused an international incident.Brenda was unmoved and turned up with both her children. And surprise, surprise, TWO Job Capacity Assessments were completed in ONE appointment.

This is the reality of dealing with Centrelink. The politicians in their ivory towers may dictate and demand from their poor hapless public servants, but the juggernaut that is Centrelink is unwieldy and almost impossible to navigate. Think of the "Titanic" heading to oblivion. And the absolute tragedy is that the Asylum treats their employees with utter contempt.

So, Brenda and I shared and commiserated and giggled again about an outrageous system set up to fail the most vulnerable in our community. Awful. What is worse is that those in government who are meant to serve us appear to have no interest in their constituents.

I will repeat previous assertions.