The Pig Ate My Mobile Phone...

My brother Michael (as opposed to my husband Michael) lives in the Far (Deep?) North of Queensland. In Cooktown, precisely. Although larger than Beverley, Cooktown - with a population of approximately 2300 - bears little resemblance to our Wheatbelt town of 1700.

For a start, beer apparently is considered to be part of a balanced diet and is often consumed for breakfast. And Cooktown's retail heart, which is centred around Charlotte Street, offers visitors all the comforts of home in a beautiful tropical location. Except when the wind drops.

Yesterday, we welcomed guests from Townsville into the East End Gallery. Two-thirds of their way around Australia, they have friends living in Cooktown in a stunning location high up overlooking the town. Cracking a tinnie is a year-round pastime, socially, dietarily and medicinally. And when there is no wind, Cooktown shuts down. The entire town goes fishing.

Anyway, I've digressed. A few weeks ago, brother Michael declared that his dream 60th birthday would be in the company of his siblings and Dad. On the Sunshine Coast, where Dad lives in a splendid care centre. Being the farthest away, I have become, naturally, the Organiser for this extravaganza.

Brother Simon has the excuse that he will be in attendance at a medical conference in Brisbane. However, we will catch up with him in Bundaberg on our Great Queensland Odyssey. Brother David and possibly lovely wife Kerin and two international students will join us at an Airbnb house.

The only snag is the communication difficulty with Michael, the Birthday Boy. Mike had a shared mobile phone and no computer. I spent most of the last week just tracking him down. We knew Mike lived in a guesthouse in Cooktown.  After drawing a blank, I called the local police. Robyn is one person I will personally thank if we make it to Cooktown. Without breaking confidentiality, she was able to point me in the correct direction. And she suggested she could perform a welfare check on Michael if we couldn't contact him.

A breakthrough on Friday. Using somebody else's (?) phone, Mike rang me. The communal mobile phone he shared with his wife (who lives on their property - don't ask...) had gone missing. As this particular property is on the banks of the Endeavour River, there are a variety of animals at this location. Saltwater crocodiles inhabit the river. Feral pigs are common visitors. Michael's conclusion was that a pig ate the phone.

Before we all descend into hysteria, which I did, this is normality in far north Queensland. And Mike's final words to me were that he would have to get his own mobile phone. I am still waiting with bated breath.

So I am wrangling a 60th birthday without being in touch with the birthday boy. I have no doubt that all will be well in the end. When Mike eventually makes contact with me again, I will book his ticket from Cairns to Brisbane.

That bloody pig caused an unnecessary amount of angst. I hope the phone gave him indigestion.

They are a bit different up there...

What I used to think all pigs were (aawww)...

Yes, I know pigs are intelligent...

And then there's Porky Pig...

In reality, feral pigs are not particularly attractive, either in appearance or temperament...

 

And this is where they roam...

Peppa Pig a Suspect - absolutely not!

Stay tuned.

Wow Wow Wow! Have a Look at Us (the East End Gallery) Now...!

As we've moved at full throttle into our tourism season, I felt it was high time we had a thorough update of the East End Gallery. We continue to be ecstatic at the Gallery's progress and the generous comments by our supporters and guests. Most of all, we would like to thank our amazingly talented artists for believing in us and trusting their works to us. We are delighted to report that the East End Gallery now showcases the art of forty-seven artists. Whoa.

What started as a nebulous goal five years ago has become a reality beyond our wildest dreams. We took an almost derelict building and dragged her kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Michael, with the help of a close-knit band of Merry Men, performed miracles. With a "Grand Designs" vision for the Forbes Building on a cordial budget, we have succeeded in creating a work of art out of her. Not that we have finished. The hundred-year-old building needs ongoing maintenance and repairs. Just for the moment, we are catching our breath and basking in her glory. Even the ghost who inhabited the workshop and used to move Michael's tools for fun seems to have left us to our own devices. Perhaps she realised we wanted to save the building and would do no harm.

And so, here are a few snippets about our newest artists (and some favourites).

Neil Elliott is a Perth Hills sculptor and painter whom we have now adopted. His subjects are quirky, attention-catching and frequently hilarious. We have been great fans of Neil and we are thrilled he has joined us. We are also lucky that he has given us three paintings at a "Sale Rate". Like our very own Shane Moad, Neil is a critically acclaimed and established artist who has priced his works in our Gallery with a generous discount.

Shane's works are also very keenly sought. His principal outlet, JahRoc in Margaret River, sells Shane's distinctive and majestic paintings at a far higher rate than we do here at the East End Gallery.

Likewise, Brian Aylward, a long-standing artist who produces exquisite oils and pastels, can also be viewed and bought here in our Gallery.

Gary Waters is our fourth metal artist and has left three of his imaginative metal sculptures here for our guests' enjoyment. As Gazzart, he produces his works from discarded agricultural and domestic equipment. An old iron has been transformed into a boat, a hook has become a stand and scarifiers have formed the base of an unusual tealight holder.

Alan Carmichael, the Man from Balladonia, has presented us with a folio of stunning scenes from mining areas south of Kalgoorlie and the extraordinary woodland and Goldfields bush that have created this magical landscape. A3 in size and utterly inspiring, Alan's photographs will astound our guests.

David Mizen, a Local Hero, still has "Starstorm" available for purchase in the East End Gallery. David, who possesses the patience of a saint, has produced a photograph of unbelievable beauty. Taken at Yenyening Lakes near Beverley, he has highlighted the driftwood of the salt lake, whilst capturing a lightning bold and a streaking sky of stars and the planet Jupiter. I guarantee "Starstorm" will leave any of our guests breathless.

Bev Vivian, silk and felt Designer to the Stars has restocked her display stands today. Her label "Beverley V' has become one of our best selling items. Netted silk and felt incorporated into some of her pieces is absolutely exquisite. Bags, hats, scarves, flowers, purses and wraps are all part of her repertoire and she is an immense asset to our Gallery.

We, of course, have other textile artists. Meredith Lee-Curtis from Cunderdin is a long-standing friend and creator of Dandaloo Dilly (Pretty Bags). Meredith works full-time for the Shire and assists her partner Kim, who managed the Agricultural College. In all her spare time (!), she handmakes her colourful range of bags, quilts, oven mitts and even doggie bandanas. Meredith sources her material from indigenous artists, so her pieces are authentic Australian designs.

The quilts, paintings and soaps by York artist Margaret Gabrielle-Harding have also been featured in the East End Gallery for some time. Originally a Facebook friend, I spied one of Margaret's art quilts online and concluded she was destined for greatness. Some are silk, some are antique material and all are eye-catching and colourful.

Along with Bev Vivian, "Mick" and Jenny Cotter are another two of our financially successful artists. Mick, former politician, pastoralist and miner is now in his eighties and still turns Goldfields wood in superb giftware. His wife Jenny is one of our two jewellery designers, along with silversmith Steve Pease from Margaret River. Steve and Michael go way back to teenagehood and I believe were both fairly notorious at being in the pub when they ought to have been at TAFE.

Finally, I think I should give mention to local leadlight artist, David Lillico. A quietly spoken, entertaining and gifted glass artist, David has made suncatchers, stained glass birds on wooden perches and antique glass mirrors for the East End Gallery. He is also producing a wonderful leadlight window for our new home. With the name "Station House" David's design has two wine glasses and a background of grape vines. Methinks he knows us far too well.

We are currently experiencing some glorious winter weather, so do come and join us in the Gallery to view, appreciate and enjoy all our artists. We are also known to sample a glass of vino or two after four o'clock. We are always delighted to welcome new guests and old friends.

Neil Elliott

Gary Waters

Steve Pease

Meredith Lee-Curtis

Margaret Gabrielle-Harding

Quilts by Margaret Gabrielle-Harding, photographs by Colleen Sleer and pastels by Denese Borlini

Woodwork by Mick Cotter

Jewellery by Jenny Cotter

Dandaloo Dilly by Meredith Lee-Curtis

"Elephant Rocks" Shane Moad

 Quilt by Dandaloo Dilly and  "Gipsy Rose" by Asta Lander

"Starstorm" - David Mizen

"Station House" template - David Lillico

Leadlight birds - David Lillico and "Oxlake" by Murray Cook

"Gone Fishing" by Gary Waters

"Hooked" - Gary Waters

"Twists and Turns" - Gary Waters

Beverley V

Hats, scarves and bags - Bev Vivian

And more hats and flowers

Alan Carmichael - "Balladonia Shearing Shed"

 

Doesn't everyone have a motorcycle in the Gallery?

And tonight, we have a Presentation of Northam, Beverley and Pingelly Photographic Clubs - hosted by Colleen Sleer - Beverley photographic diva!

Comedy and Catastrophe @ Centrelink (Yet Again)

My gorgeous friend, Brenda, rang me today from the Big Smoke. We go way back, to a time we both had young autistic children. Brenda really hit the jackpot - she ended up with three marvellously quirky and utterly individualistic children all on the autism spectrum. I only had to contend with two of them.

As a result, Brenda and I share a sense of humour immediately understood by each other, which anybody else may regard as offbeat, unusual or downright loopy. At times, we have been hysterical with laughter as the only other choice was to break down in a puddle of grief. However, we never associated our children with this sadness. Despair was always the result of dealing with the insanity of agencies such as Centrelink and Disability Services Commission. The NDIA now appears to be having a decent shot at policy malfunction and issues of service provision and financial management as well.

Whilst the Asylum in Canberra huffs and puffs about "dole bludgers", "welfare cheats", "leaners and lifters", beating their chests in an aggressive way as possible to show power and control, they have absolutely no idea of what is actually happening in the real world. Within the agencies that are meant to follow their blanket stupidity.

Back to the phone call with Brenda. We were almost paralytic with laughter at the end of a long and entertaining conversation. About our old buddy and adversary Centrelink. Poor bastards - they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. And the staff are generally not at fault. They are at the mercy of their political slumlords and caught between their masters and the poor beleaguered public.

Here is the delicious scenario. All people with disabilities are assigned to a Disability Job Agency if they are assessed as being able to work. This capacity to work is assessed through a Job Capacity Assessment, which is administered by a Centrelink psychologist, who may or may not have any knowledge of their clients' conditions.

Keeping up? Then, if a disabled person, for example, Brenda's daughter works for an employer for five months and twenty-nine days and resigns, she does not need another Job Capacity Assessment before she applies for a different job. However, if she works over six months (which she did), she is required to undergo another Job Capacity Assessment before she can work again.

Now Job Capacity Assessments are not pleasant, but at least we used to be able to request appointments for these mental ordeals at a time of our choosing. Not anymore!

Clients and their carers can no longer book appointments for Job Capacity Assessments. Centrelink staff can no longer request specific days and times for these appointments. Apparently, Centrelink staff now need to check their screens, willing a vacancy to magically appear for a free Job Capacity Assessment space for their clients. And then, book their clients in before other staffers fill those rare, precious time slots.This is akin to playing wargames with other Centrelink operatives.

Who is responsible for this anarchy? Given the lack of information and consultation, I would have to guess that these changes have come from Higher Up.Social Services Minister Christian Porter and his partner in crime, Human Services Minister, Alan Tudge. There is a strong odour of Efficiency At All Costs, even if the result is a total disaster. Which it is.

So, along with drug testing Newstart recipients, keeping the same clients living seriously below the poverty line, tormenting Disability Support Pension holders with the Robodebt witch hunt and now taking aim at Aged Pensioners, Centrelink has had the Job Capacity Assessment process reduced to a demolition derby. Now staffers have a surreal and bizarre experience of having to book assessments as spots become available. Beautiful.

Brenda is a patient woman. She has waited for five months to secure that rare jewel - a Job Capacity Assessment for her daughter. And imagine her joy when her son left TAFE and needed a Job Capacity Assessment too.

Out of the blue, two vacant Job Capacity Assessment spots became available. Brenda was jubilant. By the time her Centrelink officer had entered information, one spot had already been taken. By Somebody Else. Brenda is built of sterner stuff. She proposed to bring BOTH her children to ONE Job Capacity Assessment appointment. This outrageous suggestion nearly caused an international incident.Brenda was unmoved and turned up with both her children. And surprise, surprise, TWO Job Capacity Assessments were completed in ONE appointment.

This is the reality of dealing with Centrelink. The politicians in their ivory towers may dictate and demand from their poor hapless public servants, but the juggernaut that is Centrelink is unwieldy and almost impossible to navigate. Think of the "Titanic" heading to oblivion. And the absolute tragedy is that the Asylum treats their employees with utter contempt.

So, Brenda and I shared and commiserated and giggled again about an outrageous system set up to fail the most vulnerable in our community. Awful. What is worse is that those in government who are meant to serve us appear to have no interest in their constituents.

I will repeat previous assertions.

• Sack the current crop of politicians
• Offer parliamentarians a base wage
• Give incentives to those who work for their constituents
• Politicians to govern for the many, not the few
• All political donations to be publically declared
• Politicians to receive superannuation payouts at the same age as the rest of us
• Perks to be assessed and curtailed and linked to performance.

Comments are welcome.

And the Robodebt beat goes on...

What happens every day in Centrelink...

What a feeling!

What we would really like from our politicians!

The Tale of Michael's Tooth

Michael's right front tooth has made a habit of coming and going his entire life. Like most others, he developed perfectly serviceable baby teeth and then equally ordinary adult ones. Then, in (yet) another moment of sheer madness, Michael lost this front tooth. Whilst flying a stunt kite, he chose to grip the plastic holder between his two front teeth. As you do. With predictable results. Farewell, tooth, I knew you well...

As my darling husband spent a great deal of time off his face in the 1970s, he thinks the dental work was performed in Port Hedland free of charge. Which may well be true. Or not. He also believes he was told the implanted tooth would last about ten years. Which may well be true. Or not.

Anyway, thirty years later, Michael and his replacement tooth were still best buddies. Then they parted company. Why? We honestly can't remember the exact date or reason. Sometime in the last six years. When he was preparing to have a new implant and we did have the money, he developed a nasty chest infection. By the time he had fully recovered from this illness, we'd run out of money.

Eventually, we had enough cash to begin stage one. The removal of the remains. This was quite painful, both financially and orally. Then, we had to wait for Michael's jaw bone to recover from the awful assault before we could proceed. And there was the question of paying for the brand spanking new implant. After health insurance, we needed to cough up about $2500. Oh goody.

And so, we have waited and waited and waited. Finally, the metal implant was inserted into his jaw in preparation for the post attachment. More waiting. The implant had to fuse to the bone. This healing process took about three months. And more trauma.

Two weeks ago, we returned to have the post attached to the implant. Vincent, our dentist was a tad nervous. A common affliction of the elderly - receding gums - is not a condition suffered by Michael. On the contrary, he has deep gums. So inserting the standard sized post was immediately unsatisfactory. The base of the post, which has the tooth slip over it, was short. Michael had fallen into the five percent of the population who needed a longer custom-made post. Bollocks.

So we return to the dentist next Tuesday. Michael's gum will be opened again to receive the new improved post. Hopefully, after recovery, stage three will occur with a minimum of fuss and little discomfort - the attachment of the actual tooth. Michael has endured all of this for one reason alone. He just wants his smile back. And I can't wait to see that.

Stay tuned.

The defendant...

causing predictable results!

The Look.

What to do?

Looks simple enough (until we realised the time frame)...

But the desired result should be worth waiting for Michael!

Who Will Rid Us of these Turbulent Mice?!

We are currently at the beginning of the most glorious winter. We've had beautiful mild and sunny weather with very little rain since March.Our local farmers are suffering from climate roulette and trying to add to the soil's moisture content with a few tears.Hopefully, rain will arrive in due course to water the emerging crops.

Unfortunately, the combination of a warm and wet late summer and autumn with plenty of feed has led to a mice explosion of cataclysmic proportions. All across the Wheatbelt, these pesky little creatures are invading all sorts of spaces. If my thumb can fit into a certain spot, then a mouse can as well.

We've had mouses in the couches, mice in the crackers, climbing walls and curtains, popping out of pantries, invading my Tupperware drawers and brazenly bouncing across every floor and surface they can reach. I am convinced that a mouse turned into a diabetic monster after an entire Twix bar was chomped in the East End Gallery.

So, we have all tried every method - crazy or otherwise - to remove these tiny terrorists from our houses and offices. Yes, we are murdering mice any way we can. I am not entirely happy with this scenario but enough is enough. I am fed up with finding small black tapered turds in my used-to-be-clean hovel.

Michael's ingenuity and thriftiness involved one piece of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, superglue and a mousetrap. With this as our primary weapon, we have caught at least twelve mice. Madame Cat has been doing her bit too, but her killing is really rather awful. She tends to leave headless mice lovingly in places we are guaranteed to see. Charming.

Other Beverley Hillbillies are also at war. Pat the Rat, good buddy and superb seafood chef, shares parentage of Tex with his former partner. Tex is a bundle of contradictions. Looking quite fierce with a studded collar, he has the gentlest doggy nature and takes his Teddy to bed every night. However, Tex and mice are a different matter. He hates them with a passion and will hunt them in the beer garden of the pub whilst Pat is enjoying a drink. I have watched Tex and he never gives up. Once he is on the scent, he will not rest until he has caught the mouse and dispatched it with alacrity.

Our builder, John Rozema, really deserves to be in the Hall of Fame as far as mouse disposal is concerned. In a moment of sympathetic insanity, he released a caught mouse on the other side of the railway line from his house. The ungrateful critter then made a beeline back towards his house. John was not impressed and must have the speed of the Six Million Dollar Man, overtook the mouse and caught it. This time, there was no escape.

He outdid himself inside the house as he spied yet another mouse walking across the rammed earth wall. Taking off his thong, he launched it at speed in the direction of the unlucky mouse and scored a direct hit. John - 2, mice - 0. I am in complete awe.

There have been mice drowned, mice fried, mice fed very nasty stuff and mice decapitated. Our hardware store has imported every mousetrap in the known universe. And still, they come.

Our last hope is some decent winter weather to freeze the rest of the mice population. Tonight is going to be quite chilly. So, we live in hope.

And Station House looks as though mice will be unable to enter its interior. Except through the dog door. Bugger.

Stay tuned for updates.

Remember Mr Jinks?

And Pixie and Dixie?

Mousetraps galore!

Ta Da.

Yes we have!

Another Smashing Saturday Sundowner

Our wine and cheese nights at the East End Gallery are gathering a like-minded crowd of regulars and gaining a reputation for entertainment and enjoyment. Alas, we did not have live music at last night's Sundowner, unless you count the ditty sung by the fabulous Jan George. What we did have was the congenial company, excellent vino, nibbles for all, beautiful art and a roaring fire. Really, the East End Gallery was the place to be.

Our first two arrivals were Jan and her artist friend Ross, who was visiting from Perth. Jan is an artist of exceptional talent, who draws, paints, sculpts and experiments. She and friend Pat Rose run the Artists' Revolution Studio and Gallery in Northam. She is also a genuine diva with a gloriously sultry singing voice and plays the guitar.

Ross is still somewhat of a mystery man. I know he is an artist, but he has yet to display his work in my general direction. As he is frequently in Beverley, staying with Jan and her partner Greg, I may investigate supergluing him to a chair until he becomes a bona fide Wheatbelt artist.

Amy Cummins, an articulate and engaging young woman, brought some of her artwork to share with us. Amy's art is edgy and intense and she already has a great dollop of artistic talent. And she is still only twenty-two years of age.

Builder John and his delightful partner Jacqueline were there as well. Her daughter Kelsey and daughter-in-law Kerryanne had been in the gallery earlier in the day, along with their two exceptionally well-behaved daughters and Jacqueline for a browse.

I believe John may have found us all a tad eccentric as he made a quick getaway before the final curtain fell on the evening. Jacqueline, who sews exquisitely, stayed until the end of a very pleasant soiree.

Other guests include Mister Bob Johnson and his charming companion Gail. I hope we see more of them this year as they fitted instantly into our crowd and Gail stocked up of some of Beverly V's felt and silk creations - a hat and a scarf. She looked absolutely stunning. Bob had scrubbed up pretty well himself and renewed his promise to paint salt lakes on the floor of the Giftshop sometime in the future.

Jennie Couper arrived without Sandy, but with one of our paintings that he had reframed. "Bird of Paradise", now cleaned and reframed in shimmery gold, took my breath away. And Jennie brought a stunning new work of hers, "Toodyay Truck" to hang in the East End Gallery. Come and take a peek at this painting and you will not be disappointed.

Greg Burley, a man about town and Jan's partner, arrived to inform Jan and Ross that the roast dinner was ready for consumption back at their house. Like Cinderella, Greg had been tied by apron strings to their kitchen, producing an excellent meal. Actually, I think he quite enjoyed the peace and quiet! I am still waiting for some of Greg's art to grace the walls of the East End Gallery. He is an artist that certainly provokes thought and discussion.

And thus ended an exceedingly successful Sundowner. Throwing everyone out after nine o'clock, the metal artist and I then retired to bed, feeling very pleased with ourselves.

PS the next Sundowner will be on the Saturday afternoon of 23 September. Make sure this date is recorded!

Michael, Ross and Jan.

Mister Bob, Jan and Amy, all very animated.

Amy, Gail (resplendent in hat and scarf) and Jennie.

Jacqueline, John (he's the confused one!), Greg, Ross and Mister Bob.

"Toodyay Truck" by Jennie Couper. 

"Bird of Paradise" beautifully reframed by Sandy Couper of Chumley's Picture Framing.