Heatwave Coping Techniques

Summer is hot in Heavenly Beverley. Bloody hot. And last spring was non-existent, so with the arrival of summer, our local environs went into shock. Plants, animals and people were all affected. Gardens had no chance to acclimatise, so the predictable reaction was defoliation galore. When they should have been looking brilliant, our plants were decidedly dodgy.

Animals went from trying to find a sunny position to warm up to seeking shelter from boiling brain. The Beagle was a notable exception. She has actually been treated for dehydration previously as she was too dumb to retreat from the midday sun. She has to be told to move into the shade. Obviously, our Problem Child is both a Mad Dog and an Englishman.

As for the rest of us, summer was a like a slap in the face with a wet fish. A tad stunning and unexpected. We seemed to go from cool miserable days immediately into instant heat. From cardigans, my winter passion killer and ugg boots in the mornings, we were suddenly baking during the day, digging out the tee shirts and pants that displayed our lily white legs.

At least the nights remain, mostly, bearable. There is nothing worse than lying in bed, feeling like a leg of lamb basting on the rotisserie. The fan only cools one side, whilst the other sticks to the sheet. I have resorted to wetting a hand towel to drape on my radiating feet. Fortunately, sticky nights have been few and far between.

Over the last six years, we have gathered a number of strategies that help make the very nasty days bearable. In no particular order, here are our handy hints to surviving those blast furnace days -

• sleep during the heat of the day. Use air-conditioning. Crank up the fans.  Engage the Coolgardie Safe. Ignore usual bedtimes and alarms. Nobody expects us to be productive after a string of 40 degrees + days.
• eat ice cream. Frequently. Summer is no time for denying ourselves a cool treat.
• drink water in between the vino.
• do not jog in the heat. I have never seen a happy jogger, regardless of the temperature.
• watch TV, DVDs or all those new fangled programmes designed to provide us with far too much choice.
• wash up/vacuum/ water plants in the nude. I have never had an issue with nudity and chores. If anyone is unfortunate enough to see me naked, they will run.
• as far as one's finances permit, retreat to any air-conditioned pub.
• on a similar note, spend the day in a Centrelink office. Go prepared. Take food, drink, a DVD player, smart phone, computer, a good book or two, a pillow and a yoga mat if the floor is hard. Dealing with Centrelink staff over the latest grievance is an optional extra.
• head for the hills. Literally. Find a cooler spot to regenerate. Beaches are awkward. No shade and sand moves into places I'd rather it didn't. 
• brave the local pool. On a day where the temperature goes over the old century, a bit of pee in the pool is a small obstacle. Anyway, the amount of chlorine would probably kill any horridness.

So there you have it. Some valuable advice for those hot days. Bouquets would be welcomed. Cash is more desirable.