The Box has Failed

I should have known better. I was so excited that the fruit box appeared to have enchanted Ruby the Beagle. That maybe we'd found the magic panacea that would discourage her escapology. When repeatedly filling in her excavations hadn't worked. When added rocks, rubble, sticks and stones to her holes hadn't slowed her down. The electric fence and collar work spasmodically and unreliably. Even the highest setting on the collar - "Take That, you Little Cow" - is only a distraction to be endured. The Elizabethan collar slowed her progress down by forcing her to dig deeper and wider under the fence. And then she discovered The Box.

We thought we have found a miracle. That somehow a rectangular fruit and vegetable cardboard box would engage her enough and that she would fall in love with it, negating her need for outside stimulation.What a crock!

We forgot that the Beagle has the attention span of an amoeba. Actually she resembles an amoeba in other ways as well. No brain interface between her nose and her stomach. Total absorption in eating, sleeping and eliminating of waste materials. Except I'm not sure an amoeba then eats its own pooh. I am rather concerned that makes an amoeba smarter than Ruby...

What an original idea for a scientific study! A comparison between an amoeba and Ruby! That would be right up there with my own personal favourite study. That study concluded people in wheelchairs have a lower participation rate in ballroom dancing than able-bodied people. The amount of money spent to confirm this suspected conclusion defies belief.

Needless to say, I am writing this diatribe of defeat because the Beagle escaped again this morning. Directly after consuming her pig's ear, she set off without a wave or a goodbye to greener pastures. Whilst the other stooges were engaging  as our faithful companions, like dogs should, Ruby sneaked off in a cloud of cupboard love.

She arrived home, with the cat (!), just as we were about to leave for the Gallery. We were relieved and furious. Her Elizabethan collar was filthy and stank, her paws were dirty, her tongue was lolling and her ridiculously innocent Beagle smile split her face. She trotted into the house, had an enormous drink of water and collapsed in Sascha and Pip's bunk with a sigh of happiness.

We are beyond words. But at least we'll know where she is for the rest of today.

Never, ever to be trusted!