Heavenly Beverley : The Law IS An Ass...

Back during the 1600s, a couple of playwrights had their claim to fame by including the phrase "the law is such as ass" in a play called either "Revenge for Honour" or "The Parricide". George Chapman and/or Henry Clapthorne might have written/published the play in around 1654, but some historians disagree and suggest the play was produced in the 1620s by somebody else.

Anyway,"the law is an ass" was also mentioned by Mister Bumble, the unhappy workhouse proprietor and hen-pecked husband in Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist", whilst in court. Mister Bumble was responding to a supposition that the law dictated his wife acted under his direction. His reply - "If the law supposes that," said Mr. Bumble, squeezing his hat emphatically in both hands, "the law is a ass - a idiot".

And there is the sledgehammer sized hint regarding the meaning of this phrase. The "ass" in question does not refer to an American's bum, but rather -

"This proverbial expression is of English origin and the ass being referred to here is the English colloquial name for a donkey... Donkeys have a somewhat unjustified reputation for obstinance and stupidity that has given us the adjective 'asinine'. It is the stupidly rigid application of the law that this phrase calls into question".

The last six months have only affirmed in my mind that the law is, indeed, an ass. Back in 2023, I presumed that the matter I can't discuss was settled during that awful Shuttle Conference I was required to attend. That debacle took months for me to recover my well being and mental health. Just when I thought "it was safe to go back in the water", I received a Summons from our very embarrassed local coppers that I had to attend court again.

Another pretty dreadful day. As the Listings Department obviously don't care about people's locations or travel time, we had a 9.30am Cattle Call. Not sleeping well the night before meant I was awake just after 3am, gave up on slumber at 5am and we left at 7am. We entered the Building and found our way to the waiting room outside the assigned court. The chairs could not have been more uncomfortable if they tried. There was no facility for making tea or coffee and no food was allowed to be consumed. We probably committed an unpardonable offence for taking in our water bottles.

And so, we waited. We watched people of all walks of life come and go. We stretched our legs within the waiting room from time to time. We could plead guilty to another mortal sin. We didn't turn off our phones. I was surprised that we were not struck down...

11.30 am came and went. We had paid for parking until noon. Just as we were getting rather edgy, we were finally shown into the Inner Sanctum. The magistrate was quite personable. He explained that the Applicant hadn't turned up, which meant that "the Variation" would be dismissed. We were free to go.

That was that. By this point, I had been awake for nine hours. We had driven for two and a half hours and sat in a humourless, featureless waiting room for over another two hours. I was exhausted, confused and distraught. I queried how this farce could have been allowed to happen. I had no clue how the Applicant had obtained the an order for variation and who had supplied it. I left the court with Michael none the wiser, also knowing the Applicant could orchestrate this scenario again. The law, for us, was an ass.

But why are these fiascos acted out every day in court? Why is information so difficult to extract? Why is the jargon so incomprehensible? Why did the Magistrates Court strip away facets that make us human, like comfort and create such a sterile environment? We had almost no interaction with any court staff for over two hours. Don't they have a Duty of Care to those in attendance?

The Law is like a Secret Society. Another Department of Stealth and Total Obscurity. We arrived with no information except the Summons and left with precious little more. Surely, this is not how the Law is meant to be delivered.

The good news is that we now have an ally, who introduced himself to us, as I sat crying in yet another uncomfortable chair on the ground floor. He has made our world a little more secure and I thank him wholehearted for his approach to us.

Stay tuned...