From the time I was a small child, I understood that there were certain words, known as Good Manners, that needed to be used in various situations, such as asking for or when receiving goods or services. Good Manners were taught by rote until the habit was generalised as part of everyday responses. That way, parents would be fairly confident that their offspring were unlikely to disgrace the family name in social settings.
"Could you please pass the salt?" or "Thank you very much for my Christmas present!" are both simple examples of Good Manners. Other behaviours that constitute Good Manners include paying attention to a person speaking, responding appropriately, not interrupting and showing due respect.
Until recently, another indication of Good Manners, in business, was the notion that implied "the customer is always right". We are now treated more like the Great Unwashed than the Valued Customer, our stature eroded to the point that the Mighty Dollar is worshipped with far more reverence that offering good service and, horror of horrors, actually admitting fault and providing recompense.
Since the end of September, I have discovered that the ANZ bank is not big on communicating information, checking their facts, sorting errors and generally demonstrating extremely poor customer service. The Know Your Customer (kyc) team is an excruciatingly bad outfit within ANZ; one of those virtual departments that bob through cyberspace, causing mayhem and distress on a daily basis.
Their mission, Jim, was to verify all existing and new business customers without disclosing the information that they actually required. After six weeks, the Awful Truth was finally revealed. I had to provide an ABN. The kyc team failed to mention this detail for all that time and suspended the East End Galley's EFTPOS facility. Since that first outrage, we have been sent further harassing communication threatening disconnection again. This email was apparently sent "in error".
I was perfectly gobsmacked by the CEO of ANZ, a chap named Shayne Elliott, reminding me of my obligations to this nebulous entity and chastising me that this offshore call centre's rapid speech and difficulty to understand them was not their fault, or his, for that matter. He did not address their misleading information, the lack of support or their arbitrary decisions.
Needless to say, I have complied with their wishes. I now have a Sole Trader profile with my own ABN. After checking with Huma, a small business specialist that all had been unloaded to the kyc team, I began to relax. I was still waiting for a resolution to my thirteen acknowledged complaints but foolishly assumed that the kyc team and I had parted company, hopefully for good...
Yesterday afternoon, I was locked out of our business accounts. The kyc team had struck again. No warning, no reason. This morning, I managed to bypass this impediment by the creation of a new Customer Registration Number and password with yet another staff member. I was also unable to access the app on my phone, so I knew I also required a new Personal Identification Number (PIN).
Needing to withdraw some cash from the ATM, I checked with ANZ that my card was unaffected by this latest insult and would still function. I was assured that I could use my card with the current PIN and all would be well. Then, in total disbelief and dismay, I watched the machine swallow my card with as much efficiency as the whale consuming Jonah.
I have had enough. The ANZ bank has had more than enough time to sort out this chaos of their creation. I have had to forcefully insist that a new card, sent from Sydney, will be on Friday night's plane to Perth. If the Gods are with me, my card may arrive by courier on Saturday. Whether or not I receive instructions to render it operational is anybody's guess. Plus, I have asked for credit towards a year of Merchant Services and compensation for the countless hours spent on the phone and online, trying to entangle this unholy mess. Needless to say, the kyc team is incapable of apologising for their trail of mental destruction.
I finally understand which Magic Words may cause ANZ staff to sit up and pay attention...the Banking Ombudsman...
Stay tuned for the next riveting installment.
Let's find out, shall we?
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