I am a computer Luddite in the contemporary sense. The main reason I persevere to become computer savvy is because I intend to blow the minds of my grandchildren when I reveal I am older than the Internet.
I was most distrustful of the new technology that reduced computers from the size of an entire room to a device that could sit on my desk. I was very unsure of actually owning one and trying to drive it.
I recall my first home computer in 1997. It was a boxy, unwieldy, dust gathering contraption that sat squat and self satisfied in my study. It took great delight in mysteriously deleting my agonisingly slow attempts to produce a document. Its screen would freeze at inopportune moments and resist my pathetic attempts to revive it. I became an expert at pressing The Button.
Its start up machinations produced interesting noises that I later discovered were entirely for the benefit of the dumb human operator. I regarded the computer with a mixture of frustration and wonder. When I could make it work, I was in love with it. When it inexplicably sent a document somewhere into cyberspace or shut down without warning or refused to upload a stupid piece of clip art from Microsoft Works, I would stomp out of my study and resist interacting with the smug example of advanced technology until my feelings of inadequacy had reduced somewhat.
I gradually became more proficient in using my computer. I graduated from complete dummy to Slightly Better. The more I played with the computer, the more my shaky confidence increased. I discovered I could actually make the bloody thing work. Sometimes. It even became my best buddy as I undertook my year of study. We still had a love/ hate relationship, but my growing understanding and knowledge made me more comfortable with The Thing.
In 2007, I received my first laptop, courtesy of the Sicilian Philanderer. I hesitated using it for months, worried that I would revert back to Complete Ignoramus. Surprisingly, I did not self destruct, Neither did my laptop. And I loved Microsoft XP. I hung onto XP as long as my laptop survived, such was my devotion.
Wine is not a computer's friend, particularly when poured over the keyboard. This was my lesson in 2013. I somehow salvaged my laptop but had to hook up an additional keyboard. If I used the laptop keyboard, it would start typing 44444444s or bbbbbbbbbs or other numbers or letters. Stopping this maniacal repetition became an ongoing hassle. Then it started typing random letters or numbers with no provocation, just to annoy me.
I bought my new laptop in April this year. I am now besotted with Windows 7. I had played with Michael's version prior to getting my own. Hence I was more familiar with the system. But don't get me wrong. There are times I still have to walk away in sheer frustration, such is my longing to headbutt the screen.
As for the Internet....our saviour? Or our nemesis? Probably both. This week I have had another lesson in the inconvenience and the insanity of conducting business online. I had booked a lightening trip to Queensland for my Dad's 90th birthday in a couple of weeks. All through Webjet. With Michael's latest hospitalisation, the trip became untenable.
When I pulled my finger out and actually started the cancelling process, it turned into a major hair pulling, eyes rolling, teeth gnashing hell, which took several hours to complete.
First off - cancel the flights. No problem I think. Have travel insurance. Flights will only give credit. Fair enough. Have to activate travel insurance to get refund. Travel insurance asks why I'm cancelling. Explain about Michael's hospitalisation. Now we have to get a letter from Michael's doctor, Scott Claxton saying Michael didn't deliberately intend going into hospital on 10th November. They'll consider my claim when they get Scott's letter and the claim form. Give me strength.
Next - cancel car hire. As I didn't cancel within 48 hours of booking, I lose 20% in fees. Explain with my tongue firmly in my cheek that Michael only became unwell 7 days after booking.Doesn't get me anywhere. And I will wait up to 10 business days to get the rest of the refund into my credit card. I won't hold my breath.
Finally - try to transfer my accommodation into my brother David's name. He has had a bit of a rough time lately. At 62, he has chronic leukemia and is supposed to avoid stress. Recently lost his job. Great for his stress. Has a mortgage. Also great for his stress. So, I decided that I could give him and his wife Kerin a bit of pampering as they are going to Dad's birthday. Rang Webjet through whom I'd booked the accommodation. They told me to ring accommodation direct. Accommodation told me to ring Orbitz, who actually organised the booking. Accommodation rang me back to give me Orbitz's contact number. Orbitz put me through to Webjet customer service in...wait for it...the US. Webjet in the US told me to ring Webjet in Australia ...again. Feeling a tad disagreeable by this time, I explained my tale of woe. Webjet operative had to check. Rang me back. After numerous phone calls, my three days of accommodation were finally transferred to David's name. Oh, made another phone call to accommodation just to check...
All sorted. Except the process took every bit of my patience and tact, And could not be completed online!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am a computer Luddite.
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